While pregnant, I read the obligatory baby's first year books and decided that I should breastfeed lil' Monkey until his first birthday because it's the American Association of Pediatrics recommendation. However, once he came and I tried to breastfeed him the hospital, it turned out to be much harder than I expected. I found it humiliating that I couldn't do it and felt pressured to get SOMETHING in him since his jaundice levels were so high. We opted for bottles by day two with the expectation that once his jaundice levels went down, I'd try breastfeeding again.
When his jaundice levels were acceptable, the hospital let us take him home (day four) and I tried again. It still proved very hard but DH pushed me to continue. I resented him at the time for it. He bargained with me to give it 6 weeks. If it still wasn't working and I still hated it, then we'd go to bottles. I thought, "6 weeks! That's a long time!"
By the end of the 6 weeks, lil' Monkey and I were doing better in the breastfeeding department. I wouldn't say outstanding but enough that I decided perhaps going a year wouldn't be so bad. We're still breastfeeding today, a day before he turns 9 months old! So I'm really proud of both of us for hanging in there and working on this.
However, a year, my original commitment and goal, is just around the corner. I'm debating on whether or not I should stop. There are benefits to both sides of the argument.
On the one hand, I think, "Boy! It would be really nice to have my breasts back! To wear a real bra! To have somewhat uniform breasts again!" (One is extremely larger than the other because Monkey doesn't like drinking from the other one. So I've pretty much let it go dormant after many struggles and a mastitis infection because using the pump didn't drain it like he could -- if he would!)
On the other hand, I know that not having to make bottles while at home with him has been a real time saver. Not to mention my hands would probably be even more dry and cracked if I had to wash bottles all of the time. We're also not so great at it in public. (Lying down is best -- but he will feed with me sitting up if the place is quiet enough. Good luck with that in the mall! Even the bathrooms have loud music pumped into them!) So the "He has food anywhere you are" argument doesn't really work. But the time saving, less coarse hands and health benefits for him might outweigh the need to regain breast freedom.
Then there's the bonding. I really didn't truly understand this one until around Christmastime last year. We were visiting my MIL in NC and Monkey was having a hard time sleeping. DH leans more to the Ferber side of things and I'm somewhere right of Sears, so we were arguing about what to do. I had JUST read in a book I was reading that breastfeeding is more than nutrition. It's a way of soothing a baby, bringing him/her to a familiar place where they are comforted. A mother recounted a time when her son had fallen and bumped his head. He was so upset that holding him didn't work, kissing didn't work, his favorite toy didn't work but BREASTFEEDING helped him calm down. I pointed this out to DH and ever since reading that mother's account, I've kept this notion in the back of my mind. Recently, I did just what she did when Monkey decided that he was going to try to climb the dryer while I was putting clothes in it. He bumped his head and was really upset. The breastfeeding calmed him down and he even made a little sigh afterwards like "oh that's the stuff!".
Still, whenever I see my regular bras in my dresser drawer, I long for breast freedom. I'm just not sure. I guess I'll do what I always do and just go with it until something clearly steers me away from it.
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4 comments:
I'm also proud of you guys for sticking with it! It is really NOT easy at first, especially.
I hear ya on this continuing/stopping issue. I was fully set on and ready to continue breastfeeding and pumping well past the Pumpkin's one year birthday (next week!!! OMG!), but my issues pumping have gotten worse lately.
Here's my current thinking: At 1, people start introducing cow's milk. So, I'm thinking maybe we can put cow's milk in bottles for the Pumpkin to take at naptime instead of a bottle of expressed breastmilk so that I can stop pumping at work. I will continue to bf at night, in the mornings, and on the weekends, including for comfort (I read the same thing and have thought about it and used that technique with great success!). We are going to ask the doctor about this at her 12 month appointment next week. I'll let you know how it goes!
Anyway, my point to all that is that there are other options, not just continue 100% or wean 100%. I don't really need to bf the Pumpkin when we are out, because she eats solids so well. So you could think about combinations, or just continue to bf as needed!
Good luck, and feel free to call me if you want to chat about it. (sorry that was so long!)
Caramama -- That's a good point about the 100%. I keep forgetting to pump while he's at daycare. So I'm huge by the time I pick him up and can't wait for him to eat! Although I can't give up the day pumping just yet since he'll still need to eat on the off days from daycare. Perhaps when he starts going full-time or starts drinking cow milk, I'll stop pumping during the day and do what you do with the night feeding.
That so great that you lasted so long and are continuing for now. I know it's not an easy thing! Sometimes I wish I could have done it longer than 5 months but it was way too much for me going back to work. I felt it added to all the stress of work and taking care of Aria as much as I could (including waking up in the middle of the night). Once I stopped, I could handle it all again and everything was a little less stressful. It's important to figure out what is best for you and your baby and not let anyone or anything make your decision for you.
P.S. I still haven't totally dried up and it's been 14 months. So weird!
Apparently I'm terrible at math...17-5 is 12, not 14! Duh.
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