Today's theme song

"There's a little black spot on the sun today
Its the same old thing as yesterday
Theres a black hat caught in a high tree top
Theres a flag pole rag and the wind wont stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain
I guess Im always hoping that youll end this reign
But its my destiny to be the king of pain"

Yes, indeed Sting, indeed.

BTW, this song came to mind after reading a couple of work emails.

We hold these truths to be self-evident ...

I thought of this phrase the other day as I packed up all of our belongings from my MIL's house on Saturday afternoon for our trip back home. You see, I packed clothes, hygiene items, feeding accessories, ecetera for both myself and lil' Monkey for the trip. And I KNEW, I just KNEW that I'd end up packing up everything, including DH's clothes for the trip back. Why, you say? Because I'm a pushover for one, plus I'm a pretty organized packer (from all of those years as a traveling school photographer in college) AND I absolutely HATE waiting until the last minute to pack. At least, DH packed his own clothes for the trip there (20 minutes before we walked out the door, BTW).

But this got me thinking. What other things are just "truths to be self-evident" in my life? Here's a short list that came to mind as I packed:

1. Laundry. There will always be laundry. Even if you've put that last bit of clothing in the washer, the clothes you are wearing will need washing as soon as you take them off (this made me think briefly about going on a laundry strike and not changing my clothes for a week -- yeah, right, will never happen. Especially underwear! Ew! Gross!)
2. Dishes. Ditto. You've emptied the sink and the dishwasher. Now do you go on a hunger strike? Or just eat with your hands off of the floor?
3. As soon as I start to catch up on work and sleep, Monkey (or I) will get sick and I'll be back at square one in both areas and possibly more like #1 and #2.
4. If DH says he'll be home at X time and I COUNT on it by making dinner, he'll be late by 15-30 minutes. GRRRRR. This one needs to change and I've expressed it numerous times. Maybe I should keep some cake on hand ...

I'm sure there are others in my life that I'll think of tomorrow as I drag myself through the day, but these are the ones I can think of right now.

So what truths do you hold to be self-evident in your life?

Sad to see you go

If you've visited this blog, you've undoubtedly noticed the quote at the top of the page. George Carlin was truly a great comedian and commentator on life as we know it. So insightful. I remember studying his court case against the FCC in my Media Law class in college and really feeling a great amount of respect for him.

As a Journalism student (yes, you couldn't tell by these posts), we were taught to revere Tim Russert as well. He truly was one of the best in his field. I'm sad that in the past few years I've been sleeping in on Sunday mornings and not watching Meet the Press as much as I did in college. I'd probably be a little less politically handicapped for it.

These two deaths were shocking to me for some reason. I suppose it's just a realization that I'm getting old and those who I've grown up with and looked up to in some sense are leaving us. Scary really. Can't imagine all of the people I will be able to name when I reach 40, 50, and so on.

Anyway, sad to see both of you go.

A long, long weekend

Updated below

First, let me apologize for the stream of consciousness and grammatical errors you're about to endure, should you read on. I spent the earlier part of last week trying to put in as many hours as I could since I would have to take one of my three working days off for our trip to my MIL's in NC. We left Thursday night with the hope that if we traveled at night, lil' Monkey's schedule wouldn't be too messed up and he could sleep the whole way. That worked fairly well. He woke up a few times but didn't have any trouble going back to sleep.

While in NC, things went well in the sleep department, even better than it did for our last trip there. Monkey went to sleep without much fuss for both of his naps and at night. In fact, he slept longer than he usually does at home.

We originally intended to stay until Sunday morning but decided that the travel at night plan worked so well, we would do it again. Therefore, we left Saturday night. This time it didn't go so smoothly.

We had a late start since we wanted to have dinner with my in-laws prior to leaving. The Cracker Barrel we ate at was really slow. It was here Monkey started his fussing. Once dinner was over and we said our good-byes, we prayed that once he was in the car with a bottle full of milk, he'd be asleep in no time. Not so much. For about the first half-hour it was fussing, then crying, then screaming. We pulled over, changed his diaper and gave him another bottle with the understanding that if he got too bad, we'll turn around and go back to my MIL's house.

Luckily, that didn't happen. At this point, I was really looking forward to being home and I always have a difficult resolving the conflict I feel when plans are changed so drastically. For the next 2 hours, he slept.

When DH became tired and we changed drivers, Monkey woke up a little but fell back asleep with less trouble than previously. However, the rest of the way home, just about every half hour, he'd wake up a little fussing and whimpering and then fall back asleep. I'm not sure how DH slept through it but it was getting to me a little and I was really thankful when we arrived home.

Once at home, he woke up for about an hour and then went back to sleep and slept through the night. DH said he could see the comfort in lil' Monkey's face when he placed him in his crib.

On Sunday, he awoke with a fever of 101.6 and it stayed that way until he got up from his afternoon nap with a fever of 103.3. It was at this point we decided to take him to the hospital. I was so glad to have DH with me this time because I've been to the hospital so much with Monkey sans hubby. Again, they didn't keep us there long and informed us that he has the lovely coxsackie virus. Fantastic. What a way to end a tiring weekend and start my week.

I had a client meeting today that I needed to cancel. DH's car went into the shop prior to our leaving because it was having issues so our plan to drop him off at the car rental on the way to the sitter's needed to be rearranged. All of this was going through my head as the doctor told us of the diagnosis. I tried to rework the plan for the next day but was too tired and frustrated to think (as I mentioned earlier, it takes me a while to resolve that unsettling feeling when plans change).

So Monkey is allowed to go back to daycare once his fever is gone for 24 hours. I think he'll be able to go back in time for my next working day, thank goodness. He's fever has come down a lot but still around 100. I can tell he still feels a little under-the-weather because he's been fussy and not eating as well.

Once I'm rested, I have a few post ideas rattling around in my head from this past weekend I'll be writing soon.

UPDATE: Looks like Monkey will not be going to daycare anytime soon. His fever just won't go below 100. Ugh. Woe to me.

Moving to Denmark

No. Not really.

However, I just watched a report on 60 minutes about how people in Denmark are the happiest people in the world and why. For one, the education of all citizens is paid for straight through university. Also, they have paid health care and subsidies for child and elder care. That could be a good portion of the happiness they experience.

Also, they have an average 37 hour work week, little unemployment or poverty and 6 weeks of vacation. That's right. SIX WEEKS. Does Rosetta Stone sell Danish?

The country also has a low crime rate -- stabbings are considered front page big headlines in major newspapers. They also haven't experienced war or any type of conflict in over half a century.

Apparently, another reason is because they do not have high expectations. The report speculated that our need to achieve the ever-changing "American Dream" and to "keep up with the Joneses" are what cause so much unhappiness in our country. One Dane they interviewed said his goal in life was to "have a lot of time to spend with my family" and another said her goal was "to have a job I enjoy doing".

The one thing that we as Americans would not like about living in Denmark though are the taxes. Something has got to pay for all of that free stuff, right? It seems they pay around 50% of their income toward taxes (or so said the 60 minutes report).

As the report ended, I thought about how I could incorporate at least the value of not-so-great expectations into my life since I really couldn't change any of the other things dictated by our government, our culture and our history. Maybe this would be a life changing thing.

Then I changed the channel to the Fine Living Network. Oops. Mistake. I immediately saw a renovated bathroom that, of course, I instantly wanted. This new mindset won't come so easily after all.

Monkey's first haircut

It's my 100th post and it's appropriate to celebrate it with a post about a significant event in my lil' Monkey's life. Today he got his first haircut.

We went to Cartoon Cuts following his afternoon nap so he'd be in better spirits. It would have been best to do it in between his morning and afternoon nap but we had my company picnic to attend so it didn't leave much time for us to fit in the haircut. He did very well considering it was his first time.

The lady sat him in the chair on the booster and put the strap around him so he couldn't fall off the chair. She put the cape around him and all was good. He was enjoying the cartoons on the television in front of him. Then she took the clippers up the back of his head rapidly about 3 times. I think the noise of the clippers scared him plus her holding the top of his head. It was at this point he became upset. To be expected really.

Once she turned the clippers off and started using the scissors for the top of his head, he calmed down a little. Not completely happy but not screaming and no more tears.

After it was done, she took the cape and strap off and Monkey practically leapt into my arms. He held on really tight and it was at that point I became a little verclemp and tried hard not to go into a full cry. Oddly enough, not because of what I had just put him through. I knew it was going to be a little rough. But more because my little baby boy now looked like a little man. I didn't think seeing his little curls shaved away would affect me this way.

He's a happy camper now and the "dapper gentleman" routine is much easier now at night. I have a few locks of those curls for keepsake. Just another event among many that will show me how much my little baby is growing.

Winter straight into Summer? Infancy to Terrible Twos?

I've heard from a number of people living in our area that we skipped Spring this year. While that's not entirely true, I understand why they would say it. We had about two weeks of nice 60s-70s weather I think and since it's been up and up and up. This past week reaching the 100s. Not the norm for this region.

On that same line of thinking, I'm wondering if my child just skipped being a one year old and went straight into the Terrible Twos? I'm probably overanalyzing and probably have no idea that what I'm experiencing now is NOTHING compared to what the Terrible Twos will actually be like. But here's what has been going on recently with the Monkey.

GETTING DRESSED: Hates it. Does not want clothing on. Will throw his back into an arch when trying to put clothes on and scream. Once the clothes are on, he's okay, it's just the getting them on that's such a major hassle now.

FOOD: When he's decided he's done with said food, he methodically throws each piece with exaggerated movement onto the floor (this one I find cute ... so far ... it does let me know he'd like to move onto the next course).

BEING HELD: He's turned into a bit of a schizo in this area. One minute wants to be held and carried around. To the point where if there's a toy on the other side of the coffee table he wants, he'll come up on my lap, wrap his arms around me and point. Then the next minute he's dead-weighting me and doing that arching back thing. I'm hoping this is just him struggling with the walking concept. He's so close but I think he gets nervous about letting go.

DIAPER CHANGING: Still an area of contention for us although I must say as long as I keep an arsenal of kiddie songs in my head and sing them very exhuberantly, he'll sit still for a little while. Most days.

SCREAMING: He learned whining a long time ago and I thought that was horrible making my chest hurt ... now he's amped it up a notch or two. Full bore screaming if he wants more Cheerios. If he wants down from the high chair. If he wants the balloon just out of reach. Although, I will admit I don't think he's reached Terrible Two status on this one yet. He's still very selective about when to use the screaming.

Some things have become a lot easier though. Bathing for instance. He's starting to enjoy it and has learned that he can play in the tub. Eating is another. While he may throw food when he's decided he's done with it, he is doing much better in the eating department than he was a few months ago. Another is playing on his own. While he's not quite to the point where he'll play on his own for a half hour or more, he's definitely starting to explore and play with things sans-Mommy. This provides me time to get things done without having to stick him in front of Baby Einstein or in the high chair with a snack so he'll stay out of the dishwasher (although I still Baby Einstein for showers).

Anyway, I'm thinking of getting a toddler book as I've reached the point where all of my baby books are of no use anymore (except the sections on illness). Maybe that will help me understand these new behavior developments.

Lil' Monkey's birthing story

Looking back and recounting it to others, Lil' Monkey's birthing story could be an episode of a comedy sitcom. Let me set the stage for you.

DH was presented the opportunity to go to Microsoft's Tech Ed event in Orlando for a week. For a software consultant, this is a rare and golden opportunity to learn new stuff and meet other key players in the industry. Problem was it was 3 weeks before Monkey was due. DH's argument was that he'd never come 3 weeks early, maybe 2 weeks, but not 3 weeks. We debated about it and agreed it was something he shouldn't miss. If I went into labor, he'd catch the first flight home and hopefully be there in time. After all, we'd been told by both the childbirth class teacher and my OB that the first birth takes longer.

So he went, leaving on a Sunday. I told work I would be working from home that week because less movement meant less chance for labor (in theory). My mother and grandmother came down to keep me company. This was a good thing. Mostly. You see, my mother is very neurotic and paranoid about everything (everything except smoking -- don't ask, that's another post). However, Mom helped fix meals, helped me do things around the house, etc. Grandmom recounted her four births which made me feel grateful that I lived in these modern times.

Wednesday night, while watching the Daily Show, I started feeling some pains. They're just Braxton Hicks, that's it. Calm down.

The pains started getting more intense, more frequent and the worse part, on a schedule. Not exactly, Braxton Hicks-ish. Crap. Should I tell or get Mom?

I called my mother into my bedroom and of course, she panicked and said we should go to the hospital right away. Trying not to get caught up in her hysteria, I called my OB. When my OB called back, she said wait until they're closer then go. I told my mother this, who by the way doesn't ever believe anything doctor's tell her, she knows best (reference previous comment about smoking).

"I don't know. Maybe we should go," she said.

"No, Mom. Let's wait."

So we did. She went back to whatever it was she was doing. I don't remember at this point. The Colbert Report came on and all was going well until Stephen Colbert signed off. I called the doc again. She said to go ahead, probably because she could tell I was worried, not because I really needed to go. You can read about that hospital visit here. I was only 1 cm dilated and hadn't effaced very much.

On Thursday, I had a salary review with the CFO of our company. All during the review I kept having pains. I even prefaced our meeting with, "I've been having some contractions so if I make a weird face, it's probably not because of what you are saying." He asked if I wanted to continue and I said that I did. I also had a previously scheduled appointment with my OB. Which was a good thing. She took a look and lo and behold, I had progressed to the point where she said I would be delivering within 12 - 24 hours. "You might want to call your husband," she said since she was familiar with the situation.

I called DH and he got the first flight home. He wouldn't be home until 7:00 that night. Of course my mother, ever the optimist said, "He's probably going to miss the birth. I knew he shouldn't have gone. What was he thinking?!" Of course I was thinking this too but didn't need reinforcement.

An hour before we were to go pick up DH from the airport, I started having contractions again. Again, mom wanted to go to the hospital. But since they were the same distance apart and same intensity as the night before, I said, "No. We're going to pick up DH." I asked her to drive and she did since I was in no shape to really drive.

As we arrived at the airport, I asked mom to go to the area where you can just pull up to the curb and pick up arrivals instead of parking and going into the airport. The contractions were still happening and I wasn't comfortable with walking the distance from the parking lot to the airport. So there we waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, DH called and said that his luggage wasn't on the turnstile. Great. Of course this happens now. "Please just come out!" I begged.

"I should at least tell the lost and found," he argued.

"Fine." I stated.

By now, my mother was in full panic mode. "We should go! We should go! Just leave him here!" she kept saying.

"NO MOM! I WANT MY HUSBAND THERE! WE'RE SO CLOSE NOW!"

It was at this point an airport security guy came up to the car and knocked on the window. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to move your car. You've been here too long. You'll need to circle around." Before I had the chance to beg him to let us wait just a little longer, my mother blurts out, "My daughter's in labor!"

"Do you want me to call an ambulance or have our medical personnel come over?" he asked.

I should have been nicer but between my mother ramping up the mood of the car from orange alert to red alert and the contractions I was experiencing, I simply yelled, "No thank you! I just want my fucking husband!"

Yes, I cursed at that poor, poor man. He must have had a wife and children because instead of arguing, he just said, "Sorry ma'am. I'll give you another few minutes but then you'll need to move. Please let me know if you need me to get assistance." I wish I could find that guy and apologize.

Anyway, a minute later DH came out and I yelled, "You drive!" I knew I didn't want mom driving at this point because she was about to have a heart attack and probably in no condition to drive and neither was I. I told DH of the situation and he flew to the hospital. There was a whole argument about the amount of gas we had in the car and DH ended up blowing up at my mother but I won't go into detail about it.

At the hospital, they put me into triage and I had dilated another centimeter but nothing more. Once DH was there to comfort me and mom had gone outside to smoke her fretted nerves away, the contractions slowed down. Eventually, we were sent home, I think around 10:30. The details are fuzzy at this point.

The next morning at 4:00, the contractions were back. I waited longer this time. I didn't want to be sent home yet again. We went to the hospital around 8:00. They took me straight to the delivery room this time. No triage. So we were on our way.

The time between 3 centimeters and 4 centimeters seemed to take forever although I think it was only 2 hours. My original intentions were to wait until 6-7 centimeters to get the epidural but I just couldn't wait. As soon as I was eligible, I got it. DH said he could visibly see my whole mood change in my face when the drugs started to affect me. The doctor and nurses seem to all think I was one of those cases where the epidural actually HELPED me efface and dilate quicker because I wasn't so stressed. Within an hour of getting the epidural, I was pushing and about a half hour after that at 12:08, lil' Monkey was born.

He was so small and so cute. I was very proud of myself for having done it, although, what choice did I have at that point? The high I felt of having my little baby in my arms was definitely not from the drugs. It was just simply beautiful and extremely overwhelming to have a little person, full of life in my arms.

It's hard to believe he's a year old now. He's grown so much. And quite frankly, I've grown so much. The overwhelming feelings stayed after the birth and it definitely took me a while to become comfortable with my new role as mother. But no other experience in my life has proven to be so memorable or to have affected me so greatly.

I love you, lil' Monkey, and I look forward to every milestone, crayon drawing, bumps and scrapes, and whatever else life holds in store for you.

Childcare Appreciation

I know many people how have had issues with their providers and I always feel for them. I can't imagine not feeling comfortable with a situation that is not easily remedied for most people due to the amount of researching/applying/etc. that is involved. We've been blessed to have found our caregiver with relative ease, especially at the time we found her.

On Little but Loud, there is a wonderful post about appreciation for teachers. This along with some other events that have happened recently made me realize that I should make a point to let our caregiver know how much we appreciate her. I looked up "daycare provider appreciation" in Google and apparently, I've already missed it. It varies by state but seems to fall somewhere in the second week of May, near Mother's Day for most states. Guess that makes sense in a way since they are mothers/fathers by proxy.

I'm marking my calendar for next year to make sure I don't miss this event again. On Friday evening, DH and I were talking about doing something special for her after I told him about a discussion she and I had earlier that day. We're thinking perhaps we'll get her something really nice for Christmas this year. DH suggested a spa certificate or something so she can take some time for herself. Good suggestion, honey!