Afternoon Delight

So this afternoon, lil' Monkey and I had a wonderful nap after a stressful morning. As usual, when he awakes from a nap, I change his diaper.

Well, today, I opened his diaper and LO, and BEHOLD, he had a woody. Now he's had them before and I've never really mentioned it, but I thought I'd delve into the topic tonight.

It's definitely a strange feeling as a mother to change the diaper of your son whilest he has wood. It's horrific and cute at the same time, if you can imagine that (as I'm sure any mother of a son would agree, I hope anyway).

The aweful part is that because he's a boy, you need to put IT down before closing the diaper or risk a wet onesie come the next time he pees. I IM'ed DH afterwards to inform him of his son's "Afternoon Delight". DH has assured me that it doesn't hurt to put it down while in that state, but I still feel horrible everytime I have to do it. Not to mention that now does lil' Monkey not only know it's there, but has figured out how to undo one side of the diaper and touch it. So as I'm wrapping things up, he's trying to undo them. TMI?

Anyhoooo ... not sure why I'm sharing. Any mothers of sons out there have any thoughts on the matter or interesting antedotes?

I'm debating on whether to keep this up or not. I may give it a night and see if anyone comments and what kind of comments I get.

Better than expected

Yesterday, as I was loading lil' Monkey into our SUV, I heard a hissing noise coming from the back driver side tire. Great. Hope I can get home before it goes flat. Or should I just go directly to the tire shop?

I decided to go home and once home, I unloaded Monkey and went back out briefly to check the tire again. No less full. No hissing. I turned the valve cover. It seemed tight. Now by this point, the tire was dry (it had been raining earlier in the day). So perhaps the hissing went away because the tire was dry. DH and I agreed that we'd let it sit for the night and see.

This morning the tire looked the same. No hissing either. Hopeful it was maybe some fluke or something or that turn of the valve cover that solved it, I headed to work with lil' Monkey in tow for a luncheon for two co-workers of mine.

Halfway there, the tire pressure light comes on.

Fantastic. Figures. Should I just go straight to the tire shop this time?

After calling DH, we decided that I should definitely go to the tire shop and perhaps skip the lunch, if the repair would take too long. I got to the tire shop and explained the issue. The guy said it would be 60-90 minutes. I'd definitely miss the luncheon. Which really disappointed me because these two workers are good friends and I really wanted to be there.

Again I called DH and explained about the tire situation and he suggested I call someone at work to pick me up. Afterall, I was only about 5 minutes from the office at that point. I called a PM I've had on several projects since his cellphone number is one of the few I have stored (I would have called the office but knew no one would be at their desks). He agreed to pick me up and luck would have it, he had the family car that day with their own car seat in it. The only problem was that he needed to go home afterwards and wouldn't be back to the office for a while, so I might have to wait a bit even after the tire shop called.

No problem. I'd rather be stuck at the office than the customer lounge at local tire shop.

Once the luncheon was completely over (it was pretty much over by the time my PM and I got back to the office anyway), I chatted with my work cronies, two of which were the subject of the celebration. They suggested that instead of waiting for my PM to come back to work that one of them watch lil' Monkey at the office while another took me to the tire shop. I could pick up my car and come back to the office to pick him up ("or not," they said as they love lil' Monkey).

In the end it all worked out but it was super stressful at the time, plus, I always hate asking for favors in situations like that. I feel like I can never repay the person fulfilling the favor. I said a bunch of thank you's to all parties involved but it still didn't seem like enough. Perhaps I'll treat them to lunch sometime.

So the first half of the day sucked. But the second half went smoother than I could have anticipated. I WAS anticipating lil' Monkey falling asleep in the car on the way home and then waking up when in vein I tried to take him out and to his crib. But to my surprise, he awoke a little and then went immediately back to sleep. He afforded his mommy an hour and 10 minutes of downtime, about 50 minutes of which I also napped. I seriously needed this nap as I haven't been getting much sleep lately due to DH's excessive snoring (I need to post about this soon -- it's getting out of hand).

I'm just thankful it went so well when it could have been really frustrating.

Soccer Mom -- Me?

So this morning, I went to the salon to get my hair dyed and cut. I decided to try out an Aveda salon about 20 minutes from our house. It had to be an Aveda salon because the last dye job I had was from an Aveda salon and it held nicely, didn't stink too much, and their products are fairly "green".

I met with the stylist. She was younger and had one of those really hip, edgy hair styles. Judging from the way she put her outfit together, she definitely wanted to stand out from a crowd. I can respect this. I used to do this when I was younger and I can admire this quality.

As we spoke about what my expectations were and I was describing what I wanted, "to have less layers and maybe take the length to about my chin", she said, "Oh yes, the bob is very D.C. soccer mom and very 'in' among them."

I paused. I think I even looked mortified and gulped.

Smile, La Folle. Smile and say something.

"Oh, well. Okay."

Not really the sentiment I was yearning to express.

I was thinking, "I'M NOT A SOCCER MOM!" I was thinking, "I WAS OUT CLUBBING AND GOING TO RAVES WHEN YOU WERE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!" I was thinking, "YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T NOTICED THE HOLE IN MY BOTTOM LIP THAT HAS CLOSED UP OR THE HALF DOZEN EARRING HOLES!" I was thinking, "I'M COOOL."

Or am I? Does it even matter? Should I even be trying at this point?

I was seriously bothered by this. As I left, the words "D.C. soccer mom" kept running through my head. I opened the door of my "crossover" SUV, hopped inside and turned on the engine. Suddenly, my stereo blaring BT's Emotional Technology didn't seem so hip. Suddenly, I felt very OLD.

Maybe I should switch to Van Morrison. No, wait, screw that, Renegade Soundwave. HA!

I drove home with a very uneasy feeling and questions about my very identity. In college, I was an "out and about" type of girl. I wore baggy pants, cute little tight T-shirts that showed a little belly and used glitter on my face. Yes. Glitter.

The weekend started on Thursday, sometimes Wednesday and lasted until Monday morning. I can recall a conversation I had with the people I hung out with then (none of whom I know or would even know how to get a hold of now). The conversation was about how I wasn't going to drive a Volvo. I wasn't going to succumb to a job where I'd need to lose my identity (i.e. let the lip ring hole close up). I'D GET A JOB WHERE THAT WAS ACCEPTABLE.

Let's face it. There are few well-paying jobs out there where this is acceptable. Unless you're an extremely talented artist (visually or musically) or work for a very liberal company (which is practically impossible to find in this area), you have to conform. I worked for two different government consulting agencies since graduating from college, for pete's sake. They wouldn't have taken kindly to my lip ring. I remember struggling to let it go, too. One day I just resigned that part of my life was over and put the rings into a bag with other items we donated to Goodwill.

Did I choose money over my true self? Am I a "sell out"? Or have I just morphed into what I'm really meant to be?

Madonna is a mom. Madonna still dances. She's changed her image a million times. Yeah, maybe I'm morphing like Madonna has time and time again all of these years. Only I'm morphing into what my environment and my child requires. A socially aware mother providing a stable environment. Is that so wrong?

I think if there's one thing I've learned from pop culture and the generations before us who have shaped it, it's that the idea of "live free, die young" is no longer a real goal. Maybe the "leave a nice looking corpse" part still is with the botox and plastic surgery craze, but at least, it's acceptable to be older with children and still listen to new music, dance and do things that our parents wouldn't have considered doing.

In the end, I really like my new "soccer mom" longish bob. It will be easy to style and yes, I think it fits my identity. The one I own now, Mommy, Wife and HOPEFULLY, MILF. Hehe. :)

Excessive Drooling

Has anyone else noticed that this symptom is listed for just about every cold or virus a teething infant/toddler could have?

Is your mommy on a routine yet?

When discussing raising children with other people, the subject of routines routinely arise. "Is he on a bedtime routine?" "How is her nap routine?" "What's your baby's feeding schedule like?"

I've spent numerous hours and wakeless nights worrying about my lil' Monkey's routines. Is he sleeping enough? Are his naps long enough? Is he eating enough? Should I wait a little longer before putting him into the crib? Should I wait a little bit longer to get him out of the crib since his cries are just the whiny ones not the primal ones?

I don't know the exact number, but there has got to be at least a hundred baby books on Amazon, each with their own doctrine of the PERFECT ROUTINE. I own several of them and yet not until early this morning, did I realize the problem with these books. They all concentrate on the baby's routine. What about the parent's routine?

Succumbing to the "must sleep while baby sleeps" mentality was a difficult one for me. I'm pretty independent, a night-owl and not good with rules (even if they're my own). Eventually, out of sheer exhaustion, I gave in and did the sleep-when-he-sleeps thing.

But it's so much more than that I think. You seriously have to shape every aspect of YOUR life into your baby's routine. This means feeding YOURSELF, bathing YOURSELF, even GOING TO THE BATHROOM. At first, you can't even handle doing these things for your baby let alone yourself. It takes months (it did for me anyway) to really figure out a way to intertwine the routine of the parent with the routine of the baby. And just when you think you've got your routine down, another milestone hits and you're adjusting again. That or a cold/virus.

For instance, at 6 months, we started Monkey on "solids" -- DH hates this terminology since the food isn't really solid at all, but mush. Instead of playing with him after breastfeeding, we'd go have a small bowl of rice cereal then play until another breastfeeding just before his morning nap. This progressed until he was eating baby foods. Then, at 9 months, the switcheroo. Doctor says breastfeeding should start taking less of role now. So bowl of food first, then play, then breastfeed before nap. Then Monkey decided that mush wasn't the thing but feeding himself was!

Not to get too far in the weeds, but we get up, I change his diaper, go downstairs, I give him a sippy cup of water and put on a pot of water to boil with some sort of chopped frozen veggie or fruit in it. While the veggie/fruit is cooking, I TRY to give him as much oatmeal/baby food he will tolerate (doctor says this is still important since he's not keeping up in the weight department). Once the veggie/fruit finger foods are done and cooled (I usually blanche them for quicker delivery since he's impatient like me), he eats those while I get my own breakfast. If I haven't finished my breakfast, he gets Cheerios or Gerber puffs until I'm done. If it's a daycare day and we've awakened early enough, I shower, otherwise we skip to breastfeeding. If it's a non-daycare day, we play then breastfeed before his nap (and I skip the shower usually). Okay, sorry, I think I went past the weeds into the dirt. But you get my point about fitting in a mommy routine, right?

Humans being creatures of habit, it's no wonder so many parents are stressed out. Of course it does get easier to assimilate new foods or new skills into the routine once you've mastered the basics. But striking that first balance is most definitely tricky. I think for me, if someone had written in their baby routine dogma, "YOU need a schedule/routine just as much as your baby", it might have helped me get on quicker. Then again, perhaps my rebellious side might have just shrugged it off.

I realize why more books do not go into detail about a parents routine. One, everyone has their own way of doing things, therefore, coming up with a suggestive parental routine is elusive. Two, most adults don't take kindly to being told what to do which is what a blatant written parental routine might be mistaken for by some. (Our children are striving for the independence we already possess, it's not too hard to understand our resistance.)

As this AHA! moment struck me this morning, I pictured wheeling Monkey up to another baby, both in their strollers and him asking the other, "Is your mommy on a routine yet? They behave so much better when they are on one!"

My dad, the big softy

If you were to look at my father say in the grocery store or just out and about, you might not realize how big of a heart he really has. Especially if you've just cut him off in traffic and see his fist waving at you in your rear view mirror. You'd probably think he's a grumpy old man at that point.

But in actuality, he's a big softy.

He works at a car auction and there on the lot where all of the cars are parked week after week, live a group of feral cats. One female cat had litter after litter of kittens. "Mommy", as Dad came to call her, was lucky to have found him. Dad adopted SEVEN of her kittens (from 4 different litters) and they now live with my parents who already had two cats (one of which was from the auction as well but unconfirmed as to whether it was Mommy's kitten or not).

Mommy was too feral to bring home although Dad tried. He put her in his work truck one day and she basically flipped out until he decided it was best to just let her out before she had a heart attack or something. Dad brings her and the other feral cats at work food every day. EVEN on the weekends when the auction is closed (he has the keys to the lot). When Mom and Dad come to visit us, they often cite having to the "feed the cats" as a reason to not stay the night. This not only means their brood at home but the group at the auction as well.

About a month ago, Mommy and one of her kittens stopped coming for food. Dad figures them to have been killed by car or another animal. Still there were about 4-5 other cats which still came each day to get their ration of food. Dad quickly became attached to one of them which looks like one he already has at home named Tippy. Apparently, Dad talked a lot about this Tippy look-a-like at home with Mom. She was the only one on the lot who would come up close enough for him to pet her.

Earlier this week, Dad was driving to the area where the cats wait for him and the Tippy look-a-like, excited to see him I guess, ran in front of Dad's truck. Unfortunately, there was no avoiding her and she was hit by the front and back wheels of the truck. When Dad got out to go look, she was already dead. I know Dad was broken up about this. I hate to think of him upset but I know this made him very distraught. I can only imagine how he felt and what was going through his head at the time. Mom said he was still talking about her on Friday.

Tonight I'm going to call him to see he's feeling any better. I hope he is. I'm not sure if I should bring it up or not. I guess I'll just follow his lead to see if he wants to talk about it.

One ring to rule them all ...

... my eggs and their exodus from my body that is.

Today I went to the OB-GYN to discuss my marathon periods. With a sheet wrapped around my bottom half, trying to play with and appease lil' Monkey in his stroller without exposing too much down south in case the doctor opened the door, I noticed the chart on the back of that door describing the different contraception methods.

And I was reminded of a conversation CaraMama and I had the last time we had lunch together. She had mentioned maybe I should consider a diaphragm and how someone she knew was considering using one. Just as I was thinking about that, I noticed the NuvaRing option on the chart. Not a diaphragm, but definitely not the pill and something which doesn't require remembering to take it everyday.

When my doctor came in, I informed her that I stopped the pill in the hope that my period would finally end. (It still hasn't.) She mentioned again that was the drawback to that particular pill and understood my decision. I asked about the NuvaRing. She was immediately supportive of that idea and said it was a great option for me. Then I asked about the breastfeeding (since this was the reason I went on the low dose pill in the first place instead of the usual birth control). She explained that the low dose pill is the best option for women trying to establish breastfeeding and other alternatives weren't advisable until after 6 months. So NuvaRing was the right choice at this time!

The way it works is you keep in it for 3 weeks, then take it out for a week and then put a new one in the following week. They even have a little application you can install on your computer which will remind you when to take it out and put another back in! AWESOME! Anything that utilizes technology in this way is great in my opinion!

In case you're wondering, it really is just a plastic ring. I pictured it like a condom but it's really just a ring. Like a small clear jelly bracelet you put in your hoo-ha (yes, that's the technical term). It wasn't very hard to insert and I don't feel it at all. Although, I got a very strange image in my head of ... well, let's just say my husband's manpart was wearing a bracelet after, well, you know. TMI?

As anyone reading this post can probably tell, I'm really excited about this! I'm so glad we live in this century!

UPDATE: Geez. Just read on KellyMom.com that it's considered an L3 category drug. So I'll have to watch my supply and lil' Monkey closely to make sure he's not having side effects.

Periods, Pregnancy (fear of) and PPD

Warning: female body issues content ahead and personal content which may be considered TMI

I feel like this year so far has been a blur of family sickness, sleepless nights, heavy workloads, strained muscles and extra long periods. This last one has been going for two weeks now. I'm calling the OB-GYN again tomorrow as this isn't the first time it's lasted this long.

I had a transvaginal sonogram about two months ago that showed nothing so my doctor just figured it was a combination of the fact that I'm not good about taking the pill at the same time everyday and that I don't exclusively breastfeed but supplement with formula. And even still, for some reason I still wasn't able to find a good way to take the pill at the same time everyday. She warned me when I first started this pill. She mentioned that since it's a low dose pill I might experience spotting if I didn't take it regularly and on-time. I should have known then just to give it up and forego sex until I was done breastfeeding and could take the regular dose pill or get Mirena or something.

As of Friday, I've decided not to take the pill anymore. What's the point? I'm too exhausted to have sex half of the time and since my period wasn't regular anyway, it was hard to PLAN sex (or track ovulation so we could NOT have sex since the effectiveness was questionable). The last time we did it I was so nervous afterwards that I COULD be pregnant again that I was miserable for a few days about it.

And that's the next point. I'm extremely nervous about getting pregnant again. I'm struggling so much with my duties with one child that I can't see having another child right now. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever feel like having another child and if that makes me a bad mother, person, ecetera because if I really enjoyed and felt confident in my role as mother, wouldn't I surely want another? There are at least three other mothers I know whose children are just slightly older than my son who have already said they might be thinking about another soon. When they say that I shudder inside, knowing that I'd absolutely freak out if a pregnancy test came back positive right now.

This along with all of my other woes that concern me so much (and really shouldn't be so darn weighed down by, IMO) make me think, "Is this PPD?"

In a past post or perhaps comment, or maybe it was on another blog, I've mentioned that I used to see a therapist and that due to scheduling conflicts, length of travel to her office and other factors, I've stopped seeing her. I've been meaning to find another therapist but sometimes I think what's the point?

It will take an hour or more out of an already tight schedule. Should I schedule the appointment when I have my son or while he's at daycare? It would be a better session if he weren't there for me to chase after or pacify but that means I'd be taking an hour or more out of my working schedule. Then I'd have to make that up at night.

Plus, the COST. I'm not even sure how much it will cost per session since I haven't done this with my husband's insurance plan yet (my previous therapist was cutting me a break after I switched to his plan). I'm already spending money on chiropractor visits each week, now we're going to put therapy on top of that? Luckily, the chiro visits have dwindled to one visit a week now.

But the real issue here is my disbelief that it will do any good. "Always look on the bright side of life ..." a Monty Python tune, however, something I'm not known for by anyone who knows me or probably by now, anyone who reads this blog regularly. I get this honest. Another lovely inherited trait that I'm not sure I can ever rid myself of -- not to say I don't want to be the kind of person who is cheery more than melancholy. I'm just wondering if it's possible. Or if I'm one of those people who needs medication to achieve this goal. I hope not. I already have one pill I'll need to take for the rest of my life. Not really wanting to add brain candy to the list.

Ugh. Woe to me. Really could I be more pathetic?

Movies and Television -- New Vantage Point

Updated below

In the past few weeks, I've noticed something about my attitude toward things I had watched PRIOR to lil' Monkey's birth and how it has changed. I'm not talking about cursing or nudity or the usual things adults change their minds about once becoming parents. I'm referring more to the feelings certain movies or television shows evoke while watching them.

I can recall two instances where my emotions regarding something I've watched made me realize I have a whole new vantage point on the world as we know it. I know there was a third but I can't think of it now.

1) Lord of the Rings, Two Towers -- I was watching this movie this past weekend (TNT was rerunning the trilogy). And you know that scene where all of the women are sent to the bowels of Helm's Deep for safety? Well, two scenes from that particular part of the movie brought me to tears unlike before.

The first being the scene where the men are ripping the young boys from the mothers' arms to go to battle. This really struck home for me. I wouldn't want Monkey at the front lines of Helm's Deep facing Sauron's army! (Yes, I realize this is all fiction -- or is it? If our country institutes the draft again ... let's just say I'm thinking of starting Monkey on French lessons.)

The second being the scene where the blond woman is holding her little blond haired toddler who is crying heavily as they hear Sauron's army approaching. That, too, made me a little upset.

2) DWTS, this week -- They had two kid couples on the results show this week. Both danced better than some of the stars! But only one couple would continue on to appear week after week. The judges did a nice job of complementing them both but in the end, they had to choose a couple.

Before Monkey's birth I thought the concept of a trophy for everyone, even the losing team, was completely bogus, setting these kids up for a life of failure because they'd expect the world to honor them even if they aren't the best or work as hard. This competition between the two kid couples last night made me rethink it just for a bit. But in the end, I still agree with my original sentiment. Take the losing team out to dinner and recognize them for their efforts, but no trophies.

Has anything you've watched since becoming a parent made you stop and think about your feelings or viewpoint whereas you either thought nothing of it or thought differently before?

UPDATE (4/10/2008)

I just read this post by Gray Matter, and felt horrified for my child. What kind of world are we living in anyway? What is wrong with the parents of these deranged children?

DWTS -- week 4

Update below

I apologize for skipping last week's post about DWTS but I will say that even though he wasn't as great of a dancer as the remaining stars, I was sad to see Steve Guttenberg go because he seems like such a nice guy. Such a nice guy, that when DH was watching it with me he commented that something must have happened to him, either he had a scary accident or found religion or something because the guy is just super nice and most people aren't THAT nice naturally. Or maybe we're just cynical.

Moving on ...

This week's performances were really good. Since my memory is not the best, I jotted a few notes while watching this week so I could blog about them later. Here are some of the things I noted which might peak the interest of anyone watching or even not watching:

KRISTI -- Great dance, as always, but the band did a HORRIFIC job on New Order's Blue Monday. Poo Poo!

PRISCILLA -- Also danced wonderfully, the judges were out of their minds, she deserved better scores.

ADAM -- I'm not going to spoil this one for anyone who DVR-ed it and has yet to watch -- this means you, Dana :) -- HOWEVER, you've really got to see the shananigans he pulled this week.

MARLEE -- Very good, Judge Carrie Ann Inaba's reaction was surprising (again, won't spoil it).

MARIO -- Really liked the choice of music for his paso doble. It's so interesting when the dance couple chooses music that you wouldn't normally choose for a particular type of dance and it works well none the less.

JASON -- Was good, sexy, although I'm not sure the judges glowing marks were quite warranted. I thought Priscilla's dance was on par and either she should have received marks like his or vice versa.

CHRISTIANE -- Good paso doble. Cheryl's outfit was very dirty as usual. Sidenote: This is DH's favorite dance instructor, not sure if it's the outfits or the body or the hair or what but he's always very interested in what she's done for the week so I leave the shows on the DVR just for him. :P

SHANNON -- Some drama with her dance instructor (I won't spoil it). However, their dance was excellent and her dress was beautiful.

MARISSA -- Her dance was great but whoever did her makeup should be slapped. They made her look too harsh. It's the paso doble, not a horror fest people!

Last nights results show was pretty good. Most of the time I fast forward through everything to get to the results or guest professional dancers, but this time I found myself watching a good bit of it. They had these two kid couples (ages 8-9) each doing a dance and had the judges pick which one would come back for the rest of the season. They were so cute and VERY good! Although, I felt bad that one couple would lose. Such is life though, I suppose. (I will be posting a topic on this very soon.)

So if you watched, or watch later, feel free to post your comments about the dancing!

I just reread this and I apologize for my apparent boycott of apostrophes, especially for the possessive nouns!

"So friggin' cute!"

Sorry, I know the title of this post is a little risque for a parenting blog. But that's what you will hear a LOT around our house from DH and I when discussing our lil' Monkey and his doings. In fact, we should blame Monkey's paternal grandmother who first started using the phrase (and yes, we use "friggin'" not the actual curse word -- not that friggin' is any better).

So anyway ... here are some recent occurrances which evoked this phrase from our mouths:

DAPPER GENTLEMAN
DH gives Monkey most of his baths and I when I'd give him a bath, I'd brush his hair afterward (even when there was hardly anything to brush). Now that Monkey has some hair, you can DO something with it. Therefore, DH has decided that Monkey needs a part and when he is done combing his hair, we sort of parade him around the top floor of our house saying, "Look at the dapper gentleman! Such a dapper gentleman!" and he giggles and we have fun. So the other night I took a picture of the "dapper gentleman" look which you can find above.

AT the "MILK BAR"
Lately, Monkey has decided that drinking from the bottle is no longer a family affair but something he only wants to do on his own. This is great sometimes, not so great other times like when he wants to keep knocking it from the coffee table onto the living room carpet below thus spilling little drops of milk everywhere.To the right, there's a picture of him being Mr. Independent at his "milk bar", otherwise known was our coffee table. But isn't he cute in his overalls?!

CHOPPING BROCCOLI!
This picture isn't that recent. It's from about 3 weeks ago when Monkey tried broccoli for the first time. Although, it made a COMPLETE mess and I'm SOOO glad we were at home when trying this for the first time, he was just too cute all covered in green dots.

With respect to the fact that we will need to stop using this type of language in front of our child, this will probably be the last time I use this phrase ...

SO FRIGGIN' CUTE!

... well, maybe outloud in front him or other people :)

Something Worth Forwarding -- Charity Navigator

Updated below

I recently received an email message about felonspy.com which deceptively tries to make its visitors believe that they can find felons in their neighborhood by typing in their address. I researched this on snopes.com and of course, it's a bunch of malarky. Basically, if you perform another search, you'll get DIFFERENT results and if you go their FAQ section and read between the lines, you'll realize that the results are FAKE.

Since this email was forwarded only to me, I decided not to forward an SWF solely to the sender. I save SWFs for emails where multiple people are copied. And THIS is probably why the sender sent it only to me because the last time she did this, I sent an SWF to all of her recipients.

However, it did make me think that I haven't posted an SWF since the original. So here's a topic you can forward to those annoying people constantly sending you fear-mongering emails.

CHARITY NAVIGATOR

My primary client is a non-profit organization who helps local communities across the country in various ways. They help the homeless, abused children, veterans, ecetera and through them I found out about Charity Navigator.

It is a web site database containing information on most (not all) charities. If you search for a specific charity on their site and that particular charity has been a non-profit for more than 4 years, they will most likely have information on it. They will show you:

• statistics on how much money the charity makes yearly


• how the charity spends that money


• how the charity is managed overall


• how the charity ranks against similar charities

They even breakdown charities into top ten lists such as "10 Charities Routinely in the Red" or "10 Charities Stockpiling your money".

I routinely use this web site when thinking about donating to a charity. We like to donate each year to one or more causes and this site helps me make sure the money we donate is not only going towards a good cause but actually being USED for that cause as promised.

Recently, I searched for Smile Train which provides surgery for poor children around the world who were born with a cleft lip. Unfortunately, due to the lack of time this charity had been classified as a non-profit, Charity Navigator did not yet have information about them BUT did know that they existed and stated they would have statistics in future.

I encourage you to check out your favorite charity today! You can even search for charities by category if you want to donate to a cause but don't know which charity is appropriate or best.

BTW, make sure your SWF emails follow the rules!

Massage Therapy, Spa vs. THERAPY

As I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog, I've been experiencing some neck pain recently. I've been seeing a chiropractor and that was helping a little. However, when I woke up Monday morning more sore than I was after Friday's chiro visit, I decided something had to be done.

At Monday's chiro visit, I mentioned this reoccurring pain and the chiropractor asked about our pillows. DH and I HAVE been meaning to get new pillows. A couple weekends ago we went to Macy's for them but they didn't have any extra firm for a king sized bed. I told the chiropractor I'd get us new pillows that day. And I did -- although STILL not from Macy's since their inventory department must not count pillows. That or there has been a frenzied need for king-sized extra firm pillows that I've missed.

He also suggested that I see a Massage Therapist. I had seen the signs in the reception area advertising the masseuse they have in-house. Normally, I would have thought this a ploy to make more money but I like this chiropractor and he seemed genuine enough. Plus, the pain in my neck was screaming, "For the love of all that is holy, make an appointment!" So I did.

That appointment was today. I feel SOOOOOOOO much better.

Going into the appointment, I was a little nervous because all of the other massages I've had in the past were at a day spa. What would this one be like? Do I get naked for this one as well? It's an hour long ... is that WHOLE time spent on my neck?

Well, as it turns out, a theraputic massage is QUITE different from a spa massage (I don't care if they advertise it as 'theraputic', I now know they're LYING). The environment was quite the same however. Dimmed lights, soft music, blankets to cover areas not being worked on ... and naked La Folle Maman. We're talking NOTHING. Not even undies. I was a little nervous about that since I'm still breastfeeding and I kept picturing two huge milk spots when I got up but they didn't leak a bit. But back to the massage ...

The massage was intense and deliberate. The massage therapist definitely knew how to find my trouble spots and work them out. Something I can't say for even the masseuse I had at the Bellagio while vacationing in Vegas (it was good, yes, but not this good). And yes, you guessed it, being naked means I got a full body massage which was good because it turns out there were some other trouble spots not located in my neck. They were in my ass! No, just kidding. But close -- my lower back had some tense areas as well.

I had my usual chiro visit immediately following and let me tell you, after those two appointments, I felt like my body had been renewed! Driving to pick up Monkey from daycare, I even felt a little high almost (probably all of that oxygen-rich blood circulating through my muscles and brain).

My neck is starting to ache again a bit now which is to be expected after such an intense workout of the muscles but it's still feeling pretty great comparatively.

So if you are considering a massage for MASSAGE purposes, not just a "day at the spa" kind of experience, I highly recommend seeing a true THERAPIST. Plus, it was cheaper ($70 for an hour -- deep tissue at most spas runs $90 and up)!

Guilt and the Modern Family

I want to start out by saying that I might have been too harsh about the author of the book Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child, Mr. Burton L. White. I recently read some other parts of the book and one piece really touched on what I've been feeling. The subject was guilt. What he wrote really hit home for me and though he didn't spend too much time on the subject, what he did write helped.


He states, "No matter how modern a young couple may be, they cannot completely avoid a sense of guilt if during the first year or two of their baby's life they deviate from the earlier pattern". The "earlier pattern" being what I've heard before called the Nuclear Family where the father works and the mother takes care of the kids. I don't think he's trying to put down the concept of the modern family but rather suggesting that cultural norms from decades ago are engraved into our subconscious. He goes on to say that the weight of this guilt is held primarily by the mother and is "counterproductive".


"Guilt that one isn't doing enough for one's baby, that one isn't spending enough time with him, that as a result he may love one less -- these feelings tend to show up when the time comes to set limits and be firm with the baby." He continues a few lines down, "It is particularly heartbreaking when both parents are away from the baby for eight and one-half to nine hours a day, five days a week, and want so badly to have an especially good time with that baby when they are together."

Though I only work part-time, I've been having extreme guilt about it. Before we found a satisfactory daycare situation, I REALLY felt guilty because:

A) I had to work while he napped. Scheduling conference calls was virtually impossible and client "crisis" situations were even worse should he not be napping at the appropriate times or when needed. I'd get really stressed out and I know he sensed it. Sometimes I'd actually break down and cry because it seemed like the WHOLE world needed me to do something ASAP. I know this wasn't good for him and I feel majorly guilty about that.

B) Because I was trying to squeeze work in whenever and where ever I could, I didn't sleep very much and what sleep I got was definitely disturbed by the amount of stress built up in my brain over things not done or needing to be done. This made for a cranky, not very playful mommy which I felt guilty about constantly.

The work situation has been alleviated for the most part since finding our daycare solution. I still have to work a few hours a couple nights a week but my bedtime is earlier and my sleep is better (well, until I somehow pulled a neck muscle). Yet, the guilt lingers.

I definitely feel this conflict within myself when I need to reprimand Monkey for trying to do something that might hurt him, or when I need to be firm while changing his diaper, or when I'm trying to get a few extra bites of food in his mouth because the doctor said he lost weight at our last visit but he still refuses to eat!

Although there is no solution offered for the guilt, his statement that it is "counterproductive" makes sense. My guilt is getting in the way of my job which is to raise a healthy, happy little boy in a safe environment. If that means saying "No, that's an 'ouch'," in a stern voice, then that's what I need to do. Period.

Easier said than done but I think from now on when I feel bad about discipline, I'll remember that one word, counterproductive. That and keep researching for more solutions!

Hanging in there

Hanging in there. This post is really just a follow up to some things I've been dealing with lately.

Per my last post, I've been trying out the new diapering technique. However, I've made a few modifications. As Dana suggested, I tried distracting him with a new toy when I needed to remove the "diapering" toy. This worked for a while, then he decided that the "diapering" toy was boring and I decided that instead of going through countless toy interviews for diapering each week that we'd work on the singing, talking, distraction methods some more.

I've found that the announcing and quiet works when I know he's going to be a pain. This is when he's wound up from playing or in the late afternoons when the "witching hour" begins, his usual fussy period. In the mornings, however, I can get away with singing and/or talking IF I start with the silliness right away even prior to putting him down on the changing table.

My upper respiratory infection seems to be going away and I can finally start mending my poor hands from all of the handwashing I did after blowing my nose 50 times a day! My neck WAS feeling better until I woke up this morning. I must have slept funny again. Luckily, I have a chiropractic appointment in the morning.

So between diaper changes being somewhat easier (still not a walk in the park but better), not being ill anymore, less chapped hands and the beautiful weather we had today, Monkey and I really enjoyed ourselves.

We went for a walk to the neighborhood next to ours. I hate our neighborhood. Walking through it depresses me because of all of the foreclosed houses with deteriorated exteriors that are sending the value of our house through the floor. Plus, the playground in the neighborhood next to ours has an infant swing. He seemed to enjoy that for a little while but I think he got a little dizzy or sick feeling after a bit because he went from smiling and laughing to being really quiet. Mommy was probably pushing too hard.

We spent a lot of time playing today and Monkey has discovered that he can occupy himself with the items in our pantry cabinet which allows me time to catch up on dishes and tidying up the kitchen.

So all in all, we're hanging in there and Mommy is feeling much better about mommyhood again.