Is your mommy on a routine yet?

When discussing raising children with other people, the subject of routines routinely arise. "Is he on a bedtime routine?" "How is her nap routine?" "What's your baby's feeding schedule like?"

I've spent numerous hours and wakeless nights worrying about my lil' Monkey's routines. Is he sleeping enough? Are his naps long enough? Is he eating enough? Should I wait a little longer before putting him into the crib? Should I wait a little bit longer to get him out of the crib since his cries are just the whiny ones not the primal ones?

I don't know the exact number, but there has got to be at least a hundred baby books on Amazon, each with their own doctrine of the PERFECT ROUTINE. I own several of them and yet not until early this morning, did I realize the problem with these books. They all concentrate on the baby's routine. What about the parent's routine?

Succumbing to the "must sleep while baby sleeps" mentality was a difficult one for me. I'm pretty independent, a night-owl and not good with rules (even if they're my own). Eventually, out of sheer exhaustion, I gave in and did the sleep-when-he-sleeps thing.

But it's so much more than that I think. You seriously have to shape every aspect of YOUR life into your baby's routine. This means feeding YOURSELF, bathing YOURSELF, even GOING TO THE BATHROOM. At first, you can't even handle doing these things for your baby let alone yourself. It takes months (it did for me anyway) to really figure out a way to intertwine the routine of the parent with the routine of the baby. And just when you think you've got your routine down, another milestone hits and you're adjusting again. That or a cold/virus.

For instance, at 6 months, we started Monkey on "solids" -- DH hates this terminology since the food isn't really solid at all, but mush. Instead of playing with him after breastfeeding, we'd go have a small bowl of rice cereal then play until another breastfeeding just before his morning nap. This progressed until he was eating baby foods. Then, at 9 months, the switcheroo. Doctor says breastfeeding should start taking less of role now. So bowl of food first, then play, then breastfeed before nap. Then Monkey decided that mush wasn't the thing but feeding himself was!

Not to get too far in the weeds, but we get up, I change his diaper, go downstairs, I give him a sippy cup of water and put on a pot of water to boil with some sort of chopped frozen veggie or fruit in it. While the veggie/fruit is cooking, I TRY to give him as much oatmeal/baby food he will tolerate (doctor says this is still important since he's not keeping up in the weight department). Once the veggie/fruit finger foods are done and cooled (I usually blanche them for quicker delivery since he's impatient like me), he eats those while I get my own breakfast. If I haven't finished my breakfast, he gets Cheerios or Gerber puffs until I'm done. If it's a daycare day and we've awakened early enough, I shower, otherwise we skip to breastfeeding. If it's a non-daycare day, we play then breastfeed before his nap (and I skip the shower usually). Okay, sorry, I think I went past the weeds into the dirt. But you get my point about fitting in a mommy routine, right?

Humans being creatures of habit, it's no wonder so many parents are stressed out. Of course it does get easier to assimilate new foods or new skills into the routine once you've mastered the basics. But striking that first balance is most definitely tricky. I think for me, if someone had written in their baby routine dogma, "YOU need a schedule/routine just as much as your baby", it might have helped me get on quicker. Then again, perhaps my rebellious side might have just shrugged it off.

I realize why more books do not go into detail about a parents routine. One, everyone has their own way of doing things, therefore, coming up with a suggestive parental routine is elusive. Two, most adults don't take kindly to being told what to do which is what a blatant written parental routine might be mistaken for by some. (Our children are striving for the independence we already possess, it's not too hard to understand our resistance.)

As this AHA! moment struck me this morning, I pictured wheeling Monkey up to another baby, both in their strollers and him asking the other, "Is your mommy on a routine yet? They behave so much better when they are on one!"