More thoughts on weaning

The weaning has been going ... okay. I wouldn't say fantastic and I wouldn't say horrible. Just okay.

The first night, Friday, it was fine. However, last night I could tell Monkey was yearning for the Mommy Milk. He went to sleep with a little fuss but it went relatively smooth. I think I was just feeling more guilt about it than anything else.

Then at 2:30 am this morning, Monkey awoke, very upset and I tried comforting him. I gave him some Motrin (he's teething as well) and then I held him while sitting in the chair in his room. He seemed very comforted by that. I think we sat there for about a half hour and each time I tried to put him back into the crib, he'd scream. I felt so bad. I just wanted to give it to him. My breast was humming and his discomfort and longing for it didn't help(since he was about 6 months old, only one has produced milk). So I got DH up and asked him to put Monkey to bed. DH gave him a bottle (I was hoping to not start a middle of the night bottle habit but oh well) and that seemed to calm him down. I'd say within about 10 minutes of DH taking over he was asleep. The book I've been using as reference said we might have to do this.

Earlier today, I had to pump a little just because I couldn't stand the engorgement any longer. In the middle of pumping, Monkey walked into the room and saw me doing it. Maybe it was perceived but the look on his face seemed to me like betrayal. I felt horrible.

So far tonight though, it's been okay. I gave Monkey his last bottle for the night as we laid in mommy and daddy's bed. When he was done with the bottle, he handed it to me. I sat it on the nightstand and when I turned back around, Monkey snuggled up to me putting his arm around my neck. It was like he knew that the breast wasn't available and that he'd have to settle for this. We sat there for about 15 minutes. I rubbed his back and played with his hair as I would normally do while breastfeeding. When I saw that he was getting sleepy, I picked him and took him into his room.

Monkey fussed a little when I put him into his crib and he's decided that he doesn't like his blue stuffed monkey anymore. Tonight, he wanted the Disney bear. I read him 3 books and he just rolled over onto his stomach, head turned away from me at the end of the third.

I said, "Night Night."

He said, "Nie Nie", his version of "Night Night" and simply stayed on his stomach, head turned away.

I'm very sad right now. I know this had to happen sometime and I was starting to feel awkward about the shirt lifting thing but now, I'm wondering if I can continue the weaning after I'm done with the medication. I guess we'll just have to see how we hold up.

BTW, this thing is hanging on like crazy so I hope none of you out there get it!