The line between work life and home life was becoming very blurred. I'd drop Monkey off, come home, start working and then go do laundry while my application was building. This would mean 15-20 minutes away from the computer and when I'd get back, I'd sometimes forget what I was working on specifically or where I left off. Sometimes I'd take a nap, especially if Monkey was up a lot during the night or got up really early (I can hear some of the F/T working parents moaning at that one). I'd have to make up that time elsewhere, usually late at night which meant I'd be tired again the next day. Rinse and Repeat.
All of these things were bad habits leading to a downward spiral I couldn't stop. I'd catch up in one area and then have to stay up late to catch up in the other. Plus, I would beat myself up for neglecting one or the other. Stress + guilt = more stress, less sleep. Something needed to be done.
Folks at work had been asking, "When you coming back?" and most were asking out of curiosity or in an effort to make small talk on the times I did go into the office. Others though, the ones whom I have been working with closely, seemed to have more meaning. Or perhaps that was my tired, guilt-laden mind perceiving these things.
All of these elements plus the guilt, stress and tiredness generated by them led me to caving in about coming back to the office (about a week ago). I decided that I would go in two days a week and work from home one day. They decided to find someone to handle my client's concerns on the two days I'm not available.
This week was the beginning of my new work schedule. And yes, I worked a little tonight even though this new plan was supposed to alleviate that. (Long story, but to sum up, a computer wasn't ready for me when I went into the office on Monday and I couldn't go home because DH and I had carpooled that day since his car is in the shop for some major repair.) So I'm playing catch up again only because I had deadline and still need to get my development environment working on the computer at the office.
I'm also giving my list of to-dos a niptuck including these few important changes:
- I'm nixxing (for now) the Politics Wednesday posts. Not that I've been doing them anyway but by declaring it, I'm ridding myself of the guilt of not having done them. No promises, but perhaps when we get closer to the election, I'll start them again.
- Dishes and laundry will only be done on my non-working days or weekends.
- Yoga is no longer optional. My mind needs the release and my body needs the strengthening and stretching.
- Reconnect with the people in my life, starting with my husband and son and then other family and friends. The balancing act I was performing before didn't provide much time for them.
Hopefully, all of these changes will provide a less stressful way of living and free me up to do the things I enjoy which I haven't done because of my constant balancing act.
