Funny Quote: Michael Kors disses dress

"... looks like toilet paper in a windstorm!" -- Michael Kors, Project Runway (about a designer's dress, pictured to the right -- which IMO, really did look like toilet paper in a windstorm and I'm not sure why the designer isn't "out".)

P.S. I haven't done one of these in a while ... and I'm officially changing the title from "Funny Quote of the Week" to "Funny Quote". Why? Because apparently I can't commit to anything permanent on this blog. My sincere apologies although I have a feeling now that Project Runway is back on, I will have many more of these.

Beach Nightmares

I never thought I'd ever put those two words together. I love the beach. Especially in the morning when you first wake up and can look out onto the waves. That's just lovely and a really nice way to begin your day.

However, I had a nightmare about the beach. We're going away soon ... yes, to the beach, how'd you guess? Anyway, I had a dream that lil' Monkey runs off into the water like a mad man and is instantly swept away by a wave. I haven't had it again since but the image of it keeps playing in my head. Then today I was talking to my company's CFO and he was describing how he basically played goalie between his daughter and the ocean. Sounds like fun. He did advise that one of those little life vests will give me better piece of mind. But Monkey doesn't seem old enough for the ones I've found on the web so far.

I'm hoping I won't be such a nervous wreck while on vacation this year that I won't ever want to go to the beach again (although I'm pretty sure DH wouldn't mind that at all since he hates being away from the game home for any length of time). So if any of you have tips on taking a toddler to the beach which might reduce either stress or paranoia, I'd love to hear them.

P.S. If any of you have tips on getting your toddler to keep his sunglasses on, that would be helpful, too! I bought him the kind with the strap but he still takes them off!

Squealing, Screaming and Screeching, Oh My!

Lil' Monkey has somehow, somewhere learned how to be VERY vocal in the past two weeks and not while using words. This seems to happen mostly in the car. A nice confined area where the boisterous nature of his vocalizations can reverberate. Sometimes he does it when he's upset, but mostly I think he's doing it as a learning process of what his voice can do. That or out of boredom.

Sometimes he'll give me a "warning scream". It's a breathy little noise, almost like he's about to lose his voice. "ah." Then the onslaught comes, "AHHH! AHHHHH! AAAAAAAAH!"

The squealing just comes out of the blue. "AAAIIEEEEEE!" His daycare provider says he kinda sounds like a little girl. At first I was a little offended by this comment, but it's true, he kinda does.

The screeching I'm finding hard to handle. It makes your heart stop and not in a good way. "EEEEEEEEE!" The shrill nature of it makes me tense up everytime he does it.

For the screaming and the squealing, I'll sometimes join in and imitate him. We then have a vocal tennis match, volleying our primordial noises back and forth in the car.

I've been reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block and the premise of that book is that toddlers are really just little Neanderthals trying to fit in millions of years of evolution into 3 years of growth. It makes a lot of sense and I while I haven't yet looked up what Dr. Karp has to say about this new "skill" my lil' Monkey has developed, I'm sure he'll somehow relate it to our caveman ancestry.

So here's to you my little Neanderthal, my lil' Monkey, "AAAAAAAHHH!"

Nature Boy

Lil' Monkey has shown his preference for all things green in recent months. Now that he's walking pretty well, we've been going outside more. He loves trees, especially their leaves. He also loves grass and the little weedy white flowers our non-manicured lawn provides. He also has a liking for flowers or things like them, such as dandelions.

Monkey will pull the dandelions up and yank the tops off. I haven't even taught him that rhyme yet! But I guess that's just what kids do. The oddest thing though, is his appreciation of real flowers. He'll carry them around the house with him for a little bit gently caring for them. But eventually, he'll rip off all of the petals.

Apparently the marigolds are particularly delicious ... I'm pretty sure fancy restaurants put them in salads ... so it's okay if he eats a little bit, right?

Anyway, recently in my effort to slow down, simplify and (pardon the pun) "smell the roses", I've taken some pictures of my lil' Monkey -- the Nature Boy, to share with all of you.

Simplify

This is the new mantra. I had to surrender to it and that's why I haven't posted in a while or commented elsewhere very much.

The line between work life and home life was becoming very blurred. I'd drop Monkey off, come home, start working and then go do laundry while my application was building. This would mean 15-20 minutes away from the computer and when I'd get back, I'd sometimes forget what I was working on specifically or where I left off. Sometimes I'd take a nap, especially if Monkey was up a lot during the night or got up really early (I can hear some of the F/T working parents moaning at that one). I'd have to make up that time elsewhere, usually late at night which meant I'd be tired again the next day. Rinse and Repeat.

All of these things were bad habits leading to a downward spiral I couldn't stop. I'd catch up in one area and then have to stay up late to catch up in the other. Plus, I would beat myself up for neglecting one or the other. Stress + guilt = more stress, less sleep. Something needed to be done.

Folks at work had been asking, "When you coming back?" and most were asking out of curiosity or in an effort to make small talk on the times I did go into the office. Others though, the ones whom I have been working with closely, seemed to have more meaning. Or perhaps that was my tired, guilt-laden mind perceiving these things.

All of these elements plus the guilt, stress and tiredness generated by them led me to caving in about coming back to the office (about a week ago). I decided that I would go in two days a week and work from home one day. They decided to find someone to handle my client's concerns on the two days I'm not available.

This week was the beginning of my new work schedule. And yes, I worked a little tonight even though this new plan was supposed to alleviate that. (Long story, but to sum up, a computer wasn't ready for me when I went into the office on Monday and I couldn't go home because DH and I had carpooled that day since his car is in the shop for some major repair.) So I'm playing catch up again only because I had deadline and still need to get my development environment working on the computer at the office.

I'm also giving my list of to-dos a niptuck including these few important changes:

1. I'm nixxing (for now) the Politics Wednesday posts. Not that I've been doing them anyway but by declaring it, I'm ridding myself of the guilt of not having done them. No promises, but perhaps when we get closer to the election, I'll start them again.
2. Dishes and laundry will only be done on my non-working days or weekends.
3. Yoga is no longer optional. My mind needs the release and my body needs the strengthening and stretching.
4. Reconnect with the people in my life, starting with my husband and son and then other family and friends. The balancing act I was performing before didn't provide much time for them.

Hopefully, all of these changes will provide a less stressful way of living and free me up to do the things I enjoy which I haven't done because of my constant balancing act.

Gimmicks Galore!

Has anyone else noticed the ridiculous gimmicks companies are coming up recently? Apparently, it's catching on with businesses everywhere across the country. Here are a few I've noticed either on television or on the radio:

$2.99 Gas Guarantee -- Chrysler's new incentive for American to start buying new cars, theirs in particular.

Free Gas Card with Golf Driver purchase -- Callaway Golf is giving away gas cards when you buy certain drivers.

Gas Receipt Discount on Mattresses -- Mattress Discounters is offering customers discounts on mattresses totalling the amount of their gas receipt.

Give blood for a chance to win gas card -- Northern Ohio American Red cross will give away five $500 gas cards to people who entered the drawing by having their blood drawn!

AND MY FAVORITE (heard originally on NPR):

Economic "Stimulus" Package at the Bunny Ranch -- Legal brothel in Nevada offering first 100 customers to show up with their stimulus rebate checks from the government twice the "services".

Seriously. Has it come to this?

"Just lost your house to the bank? Come on down to XYZ Bar with your foreclosure papers and we'll give you a free beer!"