When leaving high school, I went off to college in Philadelphia. I did this not just because I wanted to go to college but because my then boyfriend, a year older than me, was already attending a different college in that city. I regret that decision most in my life. While my time there made me learn a lot of things, not from my classes mind you although I did learn a thing or two there as well, I really set myself up for heartache, bad memories and just not a very good run of it.
The friends I left behind hated said boyfriend and looking back, I should have listened to them. But I was IN LOVE and thought I could change him. Ah yes, stupid youth. I wasted too many years on him.
I let those friendships wane after a while. I persisted to stay with the idiot and they moved on with their lives without me. I missed a good bit of their lives and I wish now I had been there.
I'm recounting this because I was fortunate enough to reconnect with them through Classmates.com just prior to our 10 year high school reunion (which was a couple years ago -- yes, I'm an old lady now). Even though I couldn't make it to the reunion due to emergency surgery (the doctor discovered a pituitary cyst that needed to be removed), we reconnected and have stayed connected since then.
Today we had lunch at one friend's house. She just happened to move to a town that's EXACTLY halfway between myself and the other friend. The friend who was playing hostess isn't just a friend from high school but from 1st grade! I'm so glad that we've reconnected. We are quite different in our world views now. However, the bonds we forged in our early lives are still strong and we respect each other's opinions, even if we don't agree. My other friend I've known since 6th grade. She and I were inseparable until I met the idiot. We're a little more alike in our world views and we, too, respect each other even though I let her friendship go for what ended up being the worst decision in my life. I'm very thankful they're so forgiving.
This was the first time we've all been together with our children. The hostess started her family long before my other friend and I and it was neat to see us all together with our little offspring playing with each other. And even though I couldn't contribute much to the conversations due to chasing lil' Monkey around the floor and trying to prevent him from pulling hair or breaking toys, I still really enjoyed just being there. Just listening to them talk.
We're so close that we share what I'd say is pretty much everything that's going on in our lives. It's rare you find friends so great that you can let your guard down so easily and know in the end, they'll still love you.
So I guess I'd like to just say to them, should they visit tonight, I love you both and I'm so happy to have you in my life.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
"You make it look so easy."
Okay, I lied. Apparently I DO have something to say. AND it's a LONG one.
Today I went into the office for an All-hands meeting. Afterwards, a co-worker of mine pulled me into her office while I was walking to another area of the building for another meeting. She just entered her third trimester and was asking me questions. I could tell she was really nervous about the whole thing because as she mentioned more than once, neither her nor her husband have family in the U.S. or many friends in this area. She was asking me about whom to approach in the office about maternity leave, the benefits our company provides, etc. I described the appropriate channels to go through and how the leave worked (or the best I could since my memory for things even 9 months ago is horrible).
She kept saying, "I'm so scared," and asked if it, it being Motherhood, was any easier now that lil' Monkey is almost a year old.
First, this was a wakeup call to me. I bitch, whine and moan about how horrible things are, how I can't catch up on ANYTHING and how I'm always yearning for just one more hour of sleep. However, in that moment, I flashed back to when Monkey was first born. Things were difficult. Much more difficult than they are now. At least now, I have some semblance of what to do and when to do those things. I may not be on the mark each time but I pretty much know now when his diaper is dirty, when he's hungry, how to feed him (although that is ever changing as we move into the land of solids) and when he's ready to sleep.
Second, I wasn't sure what to tell her. I didn't want to sugar coat it yet I didn't want to horrify her anymore than she already was. PLUS, there was a ticking clock in my head since my PM had just popped into her office with a head nod meaning, "I'm ready whenever you are."
I said, "The first three months are hard. I won't lie. But then things get better and around 3-4 months you can try getting the baby on a schedule and by 6 months, things are even better. Then they turn mobile and it's a whole new ballgame." Did I go to far with that last one? Oops ... okay backtrack ... "But you're learning each thing as you go not all at once as you are in the first three months." Damn, why'd you say that?!
Then, she said to me, "You make it look so easy."
I paused for more than a second thinking back on all of the times I've been to the office since Monkey's birth. Up until we got the sitter a month ago, I'd often have him with me for a brief meeting with my PM which meant usually having to pacify him, rock him or feed him in order to cause as little commotion as possible. I'd often wonder after leaving the office, "They must hate me and think I'm a mess."
Finally, I responded, "Oh, that's just a facade. Sometimes on the inside, I'm freaking out." More like, MOST of the time. I just hope I didn't send too much of a mixed message to her this afternoon.
I did divert the conversation quickly at the end to the new breast pump she had on the floor, still in the box. It's the same one I use. I said, "Oh that's a good pump. You'll like it." Then for some reason I felt obligated to say something about breastfeeding (I usually leave this sensitive topic alone but since I KNEW she was considering it by the evidence of the pump, I thought I'd broach it).
"Oh and don't be too hard on yourself about the breastfeeding. It takes time and it's not as easy as popping the kid on. So don't beat yourself up if you don't get it right away." Then I recounted one of my favorite passages from a mothering book I have, "It's like dancing with a new partner. You're both learning the dance. You have to learn and he has to learn, so it takes a while to get it right." I'm positive those are not the EXACT words from the book but the sentiment is the same.
After my meetings, I finally left work and after picking Monkey up from the sitter's, I was marveling at how "put together" our sitter seems. I mean the woman was washing WINDOWS at 8 o'clock this morning when I dropped him off!! AND she had obviously organized her entire garage sometime between Wednesday when I picked Monkey up and this morning! And she has 3 boys of her own, who BTW, are all off from school this week! I'm constantly telling DH about how she just HANDLES it, whatever IT may be. I say how much I wish I could be like that because whatever IT is, she's calm and collected or firm when needed. Not flustered or distressed like I am when Monkey won't cooperate (especially when he won't let me finish putting his diaper on -- boy does that get me worked up). I mean, I've YELLED once before and felt miserable afterwards for having done it. This isn't a regular occurrence by any means but the fact that I couldn't just HANDLE it in a suitable fashion just distressed me more.
"You make it look so easy."
I haven't uttered these words to my sitter but I've certainly thought it. I wonder if she ever feels like I feel. Or has ever lost her cool. Do we all lose our facade when others aren't around? Is there a way for me to somehow incorporate this facade into my repertoire of parenting skills and use it even when no one is around? And if so, is that unhealthy?
Today I went into the office for an All-hands meeting. Afterwards, a co-worker of mine pulled me into her office while I was walking to another area of the building for another meeting. She just entered her third trimester and was asking me questions. I could tell she was really nervous about the whole thing because as she mentioned more than once, neither her nor her husband have family in the U.S. or many friends in this area. She was asking me about whom to approach in the office about maternity leave, the benefits our company provides, etc. I described the appropriate channels to go through and how the leave worked (or the best I could since my memory for things even 9 months ago is horrible).
She kept saying, "I'm so scared," and asked if it, it being Motherhood, was any easier now that lil' Monkey is almost a year old.
First, this was a wakeup call to me. I bitch, whine and moan about how horrible things are, how I can't catch up on ANYTHING and how I'm always yearning for just one more hour of sleep. However, in that moment, I flashed back to when Monkey was first born. Things were difficult. Much more difficult than they are now. At least now, I have some semblance of what to do and when to do those things. I may not be on the mark each time but I pretty much know now when his diaper is dirty, when he's hungry, how to feed him (although that is ever changing as we move into the land of solids) and when he's ready to sleep.
Second, I wasn't sure what to tell her. I didn't want to sugar coat it yet I didn't want to horrify her anymore than she already was. PLUS, there was a ticking clock in my head since my PM had just popped into her office with a head nod meaning, "I'm ready whenever you are."
I said, "The first three months are hard. I won't lie. But then things get better and around 3-4 months you can try getting the baby on a schedule and by 6 months, things are even better. Then they turn mobile and it's a whole new ballgame." Did I go to far with that last one? Oops ... okay backtrack ... "But you're learning each thing as you go not all at once as you are in the first three months." Damn, why'd you say that?!
Then, she said to me, "You make it look so easy."
I paused for more than a second thinking back on all of the times I've been to the office since Monkey's birth. Up until we got the sitter a month ago, I'd often have him with me for a brief meeting with my PM which meant usually having to pacify him, rock him or feed him in order to cause as little commotion as possible. I'd often wonder after leaving the office, "They must hate me and think I'm a mess."
Finally, I responded, "Oh, that's just a facade. Sometimes on the inside, I'm freaking out." More like, MOST of the time. I just hope I didn't send too much of a mixed message to her this afternoon.
I did divert the conversation quickly at the end to the new breast pump she had on the floor, still in the box. It's the same one I use. I said, "Oh that's a good pump. You'll like it." Then for some reason I felt obligated to say something about breastfeeding (I usually leave this sensitive topic alone but since I KNEW she was considering it by the evidence of the pump, I thought I'd broach it).
"Oh and don't be too hard on yourself about the breastfeeding. It takes time and it's not as easy as popping the kid on. So don't beat yourself up if you don't get it right away." Then I recounted one of my favorite passages from a mothering book I have, "It's like dancing with a new partner. You're both learning the dance. You have to learn and he has to learn, so it takes a while to get it right." I'm positive those are not the EXACT words from the book but the sentiment is the same.
After my meetings, I finally left work and after picking Monkey up from the sitter's, I was marveling at how "put together" our sitter seems. I mean the woman was washing WINDOWS at 8 o'clock this morning when I dropped him off!! AND she had obviously organized her entire garage sometime between Wednesday when I picked Monkey up and this morning! And she has 3 boys of her own, who BTW, are all off from school this week! I'm constantly telling DH about how she just HANDLES it, whatever IT may be. I say how much I wish I could be like that because whatever IT is, she's calm and collected or firm when needed. Not flustered or distressed like I am when Monkey won't cooperate (especially when he won't let me finish putting his diaper on -- boy does that get me worked up). I mean, I've YELLED once before and felt miserable afterwards for having done it. This isn't a regular occurrence by any means but the fact that I couldn't just HANDLE it in a suitable fashion just distressed me more.
"You make it look so easy."
I haven't uttered these words to my sitter but I've certainly thought it. I wonder if she ever feels like I feel. Or has ever lost her cool. Do we all lose our facade when others aren't around? Is there a way for me to somehow incorporate this facade into my repertoire of parenting skills and use it even when no one is around? And if so, is that unhealthy?
Labels:
Deep Thoughts,
For better or for worse,
Parenthood
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Checking In, Nothing to Say
I don't really have anything witty, profound or even silly to write this week. I've been reading the other great blogs and well, I'm feeling like A) my grammar sucks, B) my vocabulary is weak, and C) my topics are dull. So until a bolt of lightning sparks within this dim-witted dame's brain or I'm just feeling a little better in general, the posts will be sparse and probably not profound in the least.
However, I did update this blog with posts from my old blog (only those about Pregnancy and Parenthood). You can find them under the "Pre-blogger" topic.
Next week, I'm doing a book review of The Balanced Mom by Bria Simpson.
However, I did update this blog with posts from my old blog (only those about Pregnancy and Parenthood). You can find them under the "Pre-blogger" topic.
Next week, I'm doing a book review of The Balanced Mom by Bria Simpson.
Monday, March 17, 2008
DWTS -- Ooops, no winner this week!
Sorry folks! I forgot that at the beginning of the season, they do the whole two week elimination schedule. So that means no one will win or be eliminated until next week. Tonight was just the guys dancing and tomorrow will be the gals. Therefore, I've updated the closing date on the poll to midnight of NEXT monday.
Thanks for coming out to vote! I'll update with comments about the dancing either tomorrow night or Wednesday night once I have the time to watch the rest of it on our DVR and see both groups.
Thanks for coming out to vote! I'll update with comments about the dancing either tomorrow night or Wednesday night once I have the time to watch the rest of it on our DVR and see both groups.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Moving old posts -- cheating?
My personal website contained my blog until December 2007. It was at that time I decided that maybe I should switch to using a different blog posting mechanism instead of my homegrown blog which I put together using BlogEngine.NET and Subsonic. It was okay but I was never really satisfied with it. Hence, the creation of this blog last December.
I've had issues with people getting to my personal website in the past. Therefore, I've decided to move it to a free hosting solution with my domain name provider, Go Daddy (they gave me "credits" since I've registered quite a few names with them).
Now, I've always been opposed to FREE hosting because it's not really free. They put ads on your site and that's aesthetically unpleasing since you can't move them to another place on the page. But I've decided to succumb to the advertising in an effort for friends and family to have the ability to access it without issue.
Okay, why this is important to this blog since my personal website is closed to the general public ...
After reading Caramama's posts about Pumpkin's first year, I realized that with my memory being as horrible as it is, I might want to save at least the posts I did regarding my pregnancy, lil' Monkey's birth and the experiences I had afterward. I was going to wipe everything off the database and start fresh with the new site but I think I may move at least those particular posts to this blog and label them "Pre-Blogger" or something. At least I'll have them here with the other Parenthood posts.
Is this cheating? I kinda feel like it might be. Plus, I'm still debating on whether I should bring over the comments as well. That would take a while I think. Plus, do I just post all of them as anonymous or contact the individual commenters (I know them all personally except one) to get approval? Not sure.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Is this cheating? What to do with the comments?
I've had issues with people getting to my personal website in the past. Therefore, I've decided to move it to a free hosting solution with my domain name provider, Go Daddy (they gave me "credits" since I've registered quite a few names with them).
Now, I've always been opposed to FREE hosting because it's not really free. They put ads on your site and that's aesthetically unpleasing since you can't move them to another place on the page. But I've decided to succumb to the advertising in an effort for friends and family to have the ability to access it without issue.
Okay, why this is important to this blog since my personal website is closed to the general public ...
After reading Caramama's posts about Pumpkin's first year, I realized that with my memory being as horrible as it is, I might want to save at least the posts I did regarding my pregnancy, lil' Monkey's birth and the experiences I had afterward. I was going to wipe everything off the database and start fresh with the new site but I think I may move at least those particular posts to this blog and label them "Pre-Blogger" or something. At least I'll have them here with the other Parenthood posts.
Is this cheating? I kinda feel like it might be. Plus, I'm still debating on whether I should bring over the comments as well. That would take a while I think. Plus, do I just post all of them as anonymous or contact the individual commenters (I know them all personally except one) to get approval? Not sure.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Is this cheating? What to do with the comments?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Missing that Get Up and Go Freedom
Somedays, not often but occasionally, I mourn the loss of non-baby freedom. Heck, I still sometimes mourn the non-married freedom. Today was such a day.
It's Wednesday, so that means I get a "day off" as DH puts it. It's not really a day off but lil' Monkey goes to daycare and I get 7-8 hours of time to do work or clean house or take a solid 1-2 hour nap without fear of a fussy baby. DH has come down with a stomach virus so he stayed home today. As bad as I felt for him, I also felt a little infringement of my "day off".
Earlier today, I got an email from work about our St. Patrick's Happy Hour tomorrow night. When DH hinted at staying home from work tomorrow, I asked about going to the happy hour. His response was that we probably shouldn't leave Monkey with him if he is still sick. Good point. And this is when I secretly longed for pre-baby times. Just a minute ... or two.
When I'm listening to music while coding (that is on my "day off" when I don't need to use headphones and keep the baby monitor in front of my computer monitor), I sometimes wish I could go out dancing again. Go clubbing. Flirt. Not get home until 4 am. Be a little irresponsible. Just a tad.
But then I remind myself that even prior to Monkey's birth, I wasn't really going to work happy hours very much anyway. I'd always WORK late and then miss it. I also remind myself that I'm too old for clubbing. My poor old body just can't handle an evening like that anymore or any type of vigorous dancing.
With or without baby, neither wouldn't happen anyway. I suppose everyone hates being a grown up sometimes.
What do you miss most about your pre-baby or pre-marriage life?
It's Wednesday, so that means I get a "day off" as DH puts it. It's not really a day off but lil' Monkey goes to daycare and I get 7-8 hours of time to do work or clean house or take a solid 1-2 hour nap without fear of a fussy baby. DH has come down with a stomach virus so he stayed home today. As bad as I felt for him, I also felt a little infringement of my "day off".
Earlier today, I got an email from work about our St. Patrick's Happy Hour tomorrow night. When DH hinted at staying home from work tomorrow, I asked about going to the happy hour. His response was that we probably shouldn't leave Monkey with him if he is still sick. Good point. And this is when I secretly longed for pre-baby times. Just a minute ... or two.
When I'm listening to music while coding (that is on my "day off" when I don't need to use headphones and keep the baby monitor in front of my computer monitor), I sometimes wish I could go out dancing again. Go clubbing. Flirt. Not get home until 4 am. Be a little irresponsible. Just a tad.
But then I remind myself that even prior to Monkey's birth, I wasn't really going to work happy hours very much anyway. I'd always WORK late and then miss it. I also remind myself that I'm too old for clubbing. My poor old body just can't handle an evening like that anymore or any type of vigorous dancing.
With or without baby, neither wouldn't happen anyway. I suppose everyone hates being a grown up sometimes.
What do you miss most about your pre-baby or pre-marriage life?
Monday, March 10, 2008
DWTS Line Up -- Season Six
Dancing with the Stars is starting back up this upcoming Monday, March 17 on ABC (I should get paid for this plug). Just in time to fill the void from Project Runway ending! Both shows are a guilty pleasure of mine and I'm hoping you'll join me in watching this season of DWTS! The list of stars this season is very impressive and surprising (last season there weren't that many big names). I think those who normally don't watch the show might just tune in because of the stars they've chosen this season.
Here's the list of stars and their corresponding dance instructors:
- ADAM CAROLLA & JULIANNE HOUGH
- CRISTIÁN DE LA FUENTE & CHERYL BURKE
- SHANNON ELIZABETH & DEREK HOUGH
- STEVE GUTTENBERG & ANNA TREBUNSKAYA
- PENN JILLETTE & KYM JOHNSON
- MARIO & KARINA SMIRNOFF
- MARLEE MATLIN & FABIAN SANCHEZ
- PRISCILLA PRESLEY & LOUIS VAN AMSTEL
- MONICA SELES & JONATHAN ROBERTS
- JASON TAYLOR & EDYTA SLIWINSKA
- MARISSA JARET WINOKUR & TONY DOVOLANI
- KRISTI YAMAGUCHI & MARK BALLAS
I don't know about you, but I'm highly interested in seeing quite a few of these individuals dance! I'm especially curious about Penn Jillette's dancing capabilites and those of Adam Carolla. Question is, which one will turn out to be the obligatory season clown? Perhaps it will be Steve Guttenberg?
I'm starting a poll to see who YOU think will come in first place on week one! Poll voting will end at midnight following Monday night's show (the first part when only the judges vote). Then we'll see if we're right the next night when the public votes as well! If you're feeling crazy, go ahead and vote now!
Also, if you care to comment, which stars do you think have an unfair advantage due to their current or past professions? There's always a few questionables like Drew Lachey, Joey Fatone, or Laila Ali. I think that Kristi Yamaguchi might have an advantage due to the figure skating. What do you think?
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