DWTS -- Winner of round one

Looks like 33% of us were correct in choosing Kristi Yamaguchi as one the week's winners. I was going to discuss this more but I'm still sick and Monkey was a major PITA at bedtime (he had a shot today and got a late nap).

Just when you think you're catching up

Starting Saturday, my neck began to ache. Not really my neck I guess, but that fleshy area between your neck and shoulder. Trapezius. That's it. So finally Monday morning I decided to call a chiropractor. I saw him that afternoon and the relief from the visit lasted until bedtime. I awoke this morning still with a stiff neck and shoulder. AND a stuffy nose, watery eyes, plus, just feeling very tired on top of it all.

It figures, you know. I'm making headway with work and was gearing up mentally for the stuff I'd like to do around the house after my work obligations were met AND BAM! SICK! Yay.

Tomorrow is going to be hectic for me. I have to drop Monkey off at 8:45, have a chiro appointment at 9:10, have a meeting at work at 10:00, have a vet appointment for my hyperthyroid cat at noon, have to pick Monkey BACK up at 1:45 so we can make his 2:15 appointment for his 9 months shots which are already late because I didn't make the appointment until a week before he should have had them. So when DH asked if I made a doctor appointment, I got a little flustered. WHEN AM I GOING TO FIT THAT IN?!!!

I was hoping to work some tonight but Monkey refused to go to sleep until about a half hour ago. I started work and my head hurts so much from the sinus pressure that I just couldn't concentrate. So instead, I decided I'd write a poorly written, scatteredbrain post.

But the thing I really wanted to express in this post wasn't how aweful things were today and probably will be tomorrow. I wanted to express how frustrated am I at this roller coaster ride I seem to be on constantly. JUST when I think I'm catching up, WHAMMO, roadblock. It's either I'm sick or Monkey is sick. Or someone quits unexpectedly at work and I'm dumped with their workload (um, hellloooo, I'm PART-TIME people!). Or it's a holiday and I'm forced to concentrate on the tangent items that brings with it. UGGGGGH.

Do you feel like this as well? Is this just life? I feel like everyone else is moving on, getting stuff done while I'm treading water half the time.

BTW, in case anyone is wondering, DH can't go to those things tomorrow due to work obligations that he just can't get out of this time.

Letters to Monkey

Caramama routinely writes posts to her daughter and sometimes quips responses from her daughter. I read about something similar in one of Real Simple's special Family issues. They had a bunch of letters that parents had written to their children to be read at certain times of their life. I thought this was a great idea and had written my own when he was only 12 weeks old. Tonight, as I was going through the My Documents folder on my PC, I found it. Below is the letter I wrote, intending to give it to him in an envelope when he finally went off to college or decided to find a job in another state, or whatever it is that requires him to finally leave our nest.

I think I may continue to write these periodically when I think of advice or sentimental things I hope for him to understand at a certain phase or moment in his life. Depending on the level of personal expression, I may post them here occasionally.

To my dear little boy

Age 12 weeks
To be read when you are ready to leave the “nest”

I’ve just fed you and tucked you in for the night and for two nights in a row; you’ve gone to bed pretty peacefully. As you’ll probably know by now, your mother has a paranoid side to her (thanks to your maternal grandmother who is much more cautious than even I am). And right now, I’m wondering if you’re “going down” too peacefully and if I should be checking for signs of some illness.

Early tomorrow morning, hopefully around 4:00 a.m. (this means you’ve let me “sleep in”), you’ll wake up fussy or even crying – ready to eat again. I’ll feed you and gently place you back in your crib. Then I’ll go back to bed, exhausted, longing for that precious new-parent commodity, SLEEP. However, once I go to bed, I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll find myself listening intently to the monitor for any signs of distress. Unfortunately, you have Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease and this causes you great discomfort after feeding and occasionally, you’ll spit up or make choking noises. You’ll grunt and then there will be silence. I’ll start to fall asleep and you’ll grunt some more. Instantly, I’ll awaken. If the grunting turns into more throaty sounds, I’ll be quietly, but quickly walking down the hallway to check on you. I’ll creep up to your crib and look for your belly to rise and fall with each breath. Examine your face and sleeping posture. Then once satisfied that no action is needed (and the most that’s ever needed is a quick wipe with the burp cloth), I’ll saunter back down the hallway and once more climb into bed.

My point in telling you this is to let you know that as much as I want you to grow up to be a smart, funny, responsible young man, I’ll wish I could have a monitor while you’re away at college or whatever venture is next for you. I know that in order for you to become your own person, you’ll need to leave our nest. I know I’ll need to let you go. I’ll miss you and will always welcome my little bird back to the nest.

P.S. A call every once in a while wouldn’t hurt. :)

Good to see old friends

When leaving high school, I went off to college in Philadelphia. I did this not just because I wanted to go to college but because my then boyfriend, a year older than me, was already attending a different college in that city. I regret that decision most in my life. While my time there made me learn a lot of things, not from my classes mind you although I did learn a thing or two there as well, I really set myself up for heartache, bad memories and just not a very good run of it.

The friends I left behind hated said boyfriend and looking back, I should have listened to them. But I was IN LOVE and thought I could change him. Ah yes, stupid youth. I wasted too many years on him.

I let those friendships wane after a while. I persisted to stay with the idiot and they moved on with their lives without me. I missed a good bit of their lives and I wish now I had been there.

I'm recounting this because I was fortunate enough to reconnect with them through Classmates.com just prior to our 10 year high school reunion (which was a couple years ago -- yes, I'm an old lady now). Even though I couldn't make it to the reunion due to emergency surgery (the doctor discovered a pituitary cyst that needed to be removed), we reconnected and have stayed connected since then.

Today we had lunch at one friend's house. She just happened to move to a town that's EXACTLY halfway between myself and the other friend. The friend who was playing hostess isn't just a friend from high school but from 1st grade! I'm so glad that we've reconnected. We are quite different in our world views now. However, the bonds we forged in our early lives are still strong and we respect each other's opinions, even if we don't agree. My other friend I've known since 6th grade. She and I were inseparable until I met the idiot. We're a little more alike in our world views and we, too, respect each other even though I let her friendship go for what ended up being the worst decision in my life. I'm very thankful they're so forgiving.

This was the first time we've all been together with our children. The hostess started her family long before my other friend and I and it was neat to see us all together with our little offspring playing with each other. And even though I couldn't contribute much to the conversations due to chasing lil' Monkey around the floor and trying to prevent him from pulling hair or breaking toys, I still really enjoyed just being there. Just listening to them talk.

We're so close that we share what I'd say is pretty much everything that's going on in our lives. It's rare you find friends so great that you can let your guard down so easily and know in the end, they'll still love you.

So I guess I'd like to just say to them, should they visit tonight, I love you both and I'm so happy to have you in my life.

"You make it look so easy."

Okay, I lied. Apparently I DO have something to say. AND it's a LONG one.

Today I went into the office for an All-hands meeting. Afterwards, a co-worker of mine pulled me into her office while I was walking to another area of the building for another meeting. She just entered her third trimester and was asking me questions. I could tell she was really nervous about the whole thing because as she mentioned more than once, neither her nor her husband have family in the U.S. or many friends in this area. She was asking me about whom to approach in the office about maternity leave, the benefits our company provides, etc. I described the appropriate channels to go through and how the leave worked (or the best I could since my memory for things even 9 months ago is horrible).

She kept saying, "I'm so scared," and asked if it, it being Motherhood, was any easier now that lil' Monkey is almost a year old.

First, this was a wakeup call to me. I bitch, whine and moan about how horrible things are, how I can't catch up on ANYTHING and how I'm always yearning for just one more hour of sleep. However, in that moment, I flashed back to when Monkey was first born. Things were difficult. Much more difficult than they are now. At least now, I have some semblance of what to do and when to do those things. I may not be on the mark each time but I pretty much know now when his diaper is dirty, when he's hungry, how to feed him (although that is ever changing as we move into the land of solids) and when he's ready to sleep.

Second, I wasn't sure what to tell her. I didn't want to sugar coat it yet I didn't want to horrify her anymore than she already was. PLUS, there was a ticking clock in my head since my PM had just popped into her office with a head nod meaning, "I'm ready whenever you are."

I said, "The first three months are hard. I won't lie. But then things get better and around 3-4 months you can try getting the baby on a schedule and by 6 months, things are even better. Then they turn mobile and it's a whole new ballgame." Did I go to far with that last one? Oops ... okay backtrack ... "But you're learning each thing as you go not all at once as you are in the first three months." Damn, why'd you say that?!

Then, she said to me, "You make it look so easy."

I paused for more than a second thinking back on all of the times I've been to the office since Monkey's birth. Up until we got the sitter a month ago, I'd often have him with me for a brief meeting with my PM which meant usually having to pacify him, rock him or feed him in order to cause as little commotion as possible. I'd often wonder after leaving the office, "They must hate me and think I'm a mess."

Finally, I responded, "Oh, that's just a facade. Sometimes on the inside, I'm freaking out." More like, MOST of the time. I just hope I didn't send too much of a mixed message to her this afternoon.

I did divert the conversation quickly at the end to the new breast pump she had on the floor, still in the box. It's the same one I use. I said, "Oh that's a good pump. You'll like it." Then for some reason I felt obligated to say something about breastfeeding (I usually leave this sensitive topic alone but since I KNEW she was considering it by the evidence of the pump, I thought I'd broach it).

"Oh and don't be too hard on yourself about the breastfeeding. It takes time and it's not as easy as popping the kid on. So don't beat yourself up if you don't get it right away." Then I recounted one of my favorite passages from a mothering book I have, "It's like dancing with a new partner. You're both learning the dance. You have to learn and he has to learn, so it takes a while to get it right." I'm positive those are not the EXACT words from the book but the sentiment is the same.

After my meetings, I finally left work and after picking Monkey up from the sitter's, I was marveling at how "put together" our sitter seems. I mean the woman was washing WINDOWS at 8 o'clock this morning when I dropped him off!! AND she had obviously organized her entire garage sometime between Wednesday when I picked Monkey up and this morning! And she has 3 boys of her own, who BTW, are all off from school this week! I'm constantly telling DH about how she just HANDLES it, whatever IT may be. I say how much I wish I could be like that because whatever IT is, she's calm and collected or firm when needed. Not flustered or distressed like I am when Monkey won't cooperate (especially when he won't let me finish putting his diaper on -- boy does that get me worked up). I mean, I've YELLED once before and felt miserable afterwards for having done it. This isn't a regular occurrence by any means but the fact that I couldn't just HANDLE it in a suitable fashion just distressed me more.

"You make it look so easy."

I haven't uttered these words to my sitter but I've certainly thought it. I wonder if she ever feels like I feel. Or has ever lost her cool. Do we all lose our facade when others aren't around? Is there a way for me to somehow incorporate this facade into my repertoire of parenting skills and use it even when no one is around? And if so, is that unhealthy?

Checking In, Nothing to Say

I don't really have anything witty, profound or even silly to write this week. I've been reading the other great blogs and well, I'm feeling like A) my grammar sucks, B) my vocabulary is weak, and C) my topics are dull. So until a bolt of lightning sparks within this dim-witted dame's brain or I'm just feeling a little better in general, the posts will be sparse and probably not profound in the least.

However, I did update this blog with posts from my old blog (only those about Pregnancy and Parenthood). You can find them under the "Pre-blogger" topic.

Next week, I'm doing a book review of The Balanced Mom by Bria Simpson.

DWTS -- Ooops, no winner this week!

Sorry folks! I forgot that at the beginning of the season, they do the whole two week elimination schedule. So that means no one will win or be eliminated until next week. Tonight was just the guys dancing and tomorrow will be the gals. Therefore, I've updated the closing date on the poll to midnight of NEXT monday.

Thanks for coming out to vote! I'll update with comments about the dancing either tomorrow night or Wednesday night once I have the time to watch the rest of it on our DVR and see both groups.