Something Worth Forwarding -- Charity Navigator

Updated below

I recently received an email message about felonspy.com which deceptively tries to make its visitors believe that they can find felons in their neighborhood by typing in their address. I researched this on snopes.com and of course, it's a bunch of malarky. Basically, if you perform another search, you'll get DIFFERENT results and if you go their FAQ section and read between the lines, you'll realize that the results are FAKE.

Since this email was forwarded only to me, I decided not to forward an SWF solely to the sender. I save SWFs for emails where multiple people are copied. And THIS is probably why the sender sent it only to me because the last time she did this, I sent an SWF to all of her recipients.

However, it did make me think that I haven't posted an SWF since the original. So here's a topic you can forward to those annoying people constantly sending you fear-mongering emails.

CHARITY NAVIGATOR

My primary client is a non-profit organization who helps local communities across the country in various ways. They help the homeless, abused children, veterans, ecetera and through them I found out about Charity Navigator.

It is a web site database containing information on most (not all) charities. If you search for a specific charity on their site and that particular charity has been a non-profit for more than 4 years, they will most likely have information on it. They will show you:

• statistics on how much money the charity makes yearly


• how the charity spends that money


• how the charity is managed overall


• how the charity ranks against similar charities

They even breakdown charities into top ten lists such as "10 Charities Routinely in the Red" or "10 Charities Stockpiling your money".

I routinely use this web site when thinking about donating to a charity. We like to donate each year to one or more causes and this site helps me make sure the money we donate is not only going towards a good cause but actually being USED for that cause as promised.

Recently, I searched for Smile Train which provides surgery for poor children around the world who were born with a cleft lip. Unfortunately, due to the lack of time this charity had been classified as a non-profit, Charity Navigator did not yet have information about them BUT did know that they existed and stated they would have statistics in future.

I encourage you to check out your favorite charity today! You can even search for charities by category if you want to donate to a cause but don't know which charity is appropriate or best.

BTW, make sure your SWF emails follow the rules!

Massage Therapy, Spa vs. THERAPY

As I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog, I've been experiencing some neck pain recently. I've been seeing a chiropractor and that was helping a little. However, when I woke up Monday morning more sore than I was after Friday's chiro visit, I decided something had to be done.

At Monday's chiro visit, I mentioned this reoccurring pain and the chiropractor asked about our pillows. DH and I HAVE been meaning to get new pillows. A couple weekends ago we went to Macy's for them but they didn't have any extra firm for a king sized bed. I told the chiropractor I'd get us new pillows that day. And I did -- although STILL not from Macy's since their inventory department must not count pillows. That or there has been a frenzied need for king-sized extra firm pillows that I've missed.

He also suggested that I see a Massage Therapist. I had seen the signs in the reception area advertising the masseuse they have in-house. Normally, I would have thought this a ploy to make more money but I like this chiropractor and he seemed genuine enough. Plus, the pain in my neck was screaming, "For the love of all that is holy, make an appointment!" So I did.

That appointment was today. I feel SOOOOOOOO much better.

Going into the appointment, I was a little nervous because all of the other massages I've had in the past were at a day spa. What would this one be like? Do I get naked for this one as well? It's an hour long ... is that WHOLE time spent on my neck?

Well, as it turns out, a theraputic massage is QUITE different from a spa massage (I don't care if they advertise it as 'theraputic', I now know they're LYING). The environment was quite the same however. Dimmed lights, soft music, blankets to cover areas not being worked on ... and naked La Folle Maman. We're talking NOTHING. Not even undies. I was a little nervous about that since I'm still breastfeeding and I kept picturing two huge milk spots when I got up but they didn't leak a bit. But back to the massage ...

The massage was intense and deliberate. The massage therapist definitely knew how to find my trouble spots and work them out. Something I can't say for even the masseuse I had at the Bellagio while vacationing in Vegas (it was good, yes, but not this good). And yes, you guessed it, being naked means I got a full body massage which was good because it turns out there were some other trouble spots not located in my neck. They were in my ass! No, just kidding. But close -- my lower back had some tense areas as well.

I had my usual chiro visit immediately following and let me tell you, after those two appointments, I felt like my body had been renewed! Driving to pick up Monkey from daycare, I even felt a little high almost (probably all of that oxygen-rich blood circulating through my muscles and brain).

My neck is starting to ache again a bit now which is to be expected after such an intense workout of the muscles but it's still feeling pretty great comparatively.

So if you are considering a massage for MASSAGE purposes, not just a "day at the spa" kind of experience, I highly recommend seeing a true THERAPIST. Plus, it was cheaper ($70 for an hour -- deep tissue at most spas runs $90 and up)!

Guilt and the Modern Family

I want to start out by saying that I might have been too harsh about the author of the book Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child, Mr. Burton L. White. I recently read some other parts of the book and one piece really touched on what I've been feeling. The subject was guilt. What he wrote really hit home for me and though he didn't spend too much time on the subject, what he did write helped.


He states, "No matter how modern a young couple may be, they cannot completely avoid a sense of guilt if during the first year or two of their baby's life they deviate from the earlier pattern". The "earlier pattern" being what I've heard before called the Nuclear Family where the father works and the mother takes care of the kids. I don't think he's trying to put down the concept of the modern family but rather suggesting that cultural norms from decades ago are engraved into our subconscious. He goes on to say that the weight of this guilt is held primarily by the mother and is "counterproductive".


"Guilt that one isn't doing enough for one's baby, that one isn't spending enough time with him, that as a result he may love one less -- these feelings tend to show up when the time comes to set limits and be firm with the baby." He continues a few lines down, "It is particularly heartbreaking when both parents are away from the baby for eight and one-half to nine hours a day, five days a week, and want so badly to have an especially good time with that baby when they are together."

Though I only work part-time, I've been having extreme guilt about it. Before we found a satisfactory daycare situation, I REALLY felt guilty because:

A) I had to work while he napped. Scheduling conference calls was virtually impossible and client "crisis" situations were even worse should he not be napping at the appropriate times or when needed. I'd get really stressed out and I know he sensed it. Sometimes I'd actually break down and cry because it seemed like the WHOLE world needed me to do something ASAP. I know this wasn't good for him and I feel majorly guilty about that.

B) Because I was trying to squeeze work in whenever and where ever I could, I didn't sleep very much and what sleep I got was definitely disturbed by the amount of stress built up in my brain over things not done or needing to be done. This made for a cranky, not very playful mommy which I felt guilty about constantly.

The work situation has been alleviated for the most part since finding our daycare solution. I still have to work a few hours a couple nights a week but my bedtime is earlier and my sleep is better (well, until I somehow pulled a neck muscle). Yet, the guilt lingers.

I definitely feel this conflict within myself when I need to reprimand Monkey for trying to do something that might hurt him, or when I need to be firm while changing his diaper, or when I'm trying to get a few extra bites of food in his mouth because the doctor said he lost weight at our last visit but he still refuses to eat!

Although there is no solution offered for the guilt, his statement that it is "counterproductive" makes sense. My guilt is getting in the way of my job which is to raise a healthy, happy little boy in a safe environment. If that means saying "No, that's an 'ouch'," in a stern voice, then that's what I need to do. Period.

Easier said than done but I think from now on when I feel bad about discipline, I'll remember that one word, counterproductive. That and keep researching for more solutions!

Hanging in there

Hanging in there. This post is really just a follow up to some things I've been dealing with lately.

Per my last post, I've been trying out the new diapering technique. However, I've made a few modifications. As Dana suggested, I tried distracting him with a new toy when I needed to remove the "diapering" toy. This worked for a while, then he decided that the "diapering" toy was boring and I decided that instead of going through countless toy interviews for diapering each week that we'd work on the singing, talking, distraction methods some more.

I've found that the announcing and quiet works when I know he's going to be a pain. This is when he's wound up from playing or in the late afternoons when the "witching hour" begins, his usual fussy period. In the mornings, however, I can get away with singing and/or talking IF I start with the silliness right away even prior to putting him down on the changing table.

My upper respiratory infection seems to be going away and I can finally start mending my poor hands from all of the handwashing I did after blowing my nose 50 times a day! My neck WAS feeling better until I woke up this morning. I must have slept funny again. Luckily, I have a chiropractic appointment in the morning.

So between diaper changes being somewhat easier (still not a walk in the park but better), not being ill anymore, less chapped hands and the beautiful weather we had today, Monkey and I really enjoyed ourselves.

We went for a walk to the neighborhood next to ours. I hate our neighborhood. Walking through it depresses me because of all of the foreclosed houses with deteriorated exteriors that are sending the value of our house through the floor. Plus, the playground in the neighborhood next to ours has an infant swing. He seemed to enjoy that for a little while but I think he got a little dizzy or sick feeling after a bit because he went from smiling and laughing to being really quiet. Mommy was probably pushing too hard.

We spent a lot of time playing today and Monkey has discovered that he can occupy himself with the items in our pantry cabinet which allows me time to catch up on dishes and tidying up the kitchen.

So all in all, we're hanging in there and Mommy is feeling much better about mommyhood again.

Diaper Changing Fiasco

Lil' Monkey has been a complete monster lately when it comes to changing his diaper (unless he's just awakened and I love those diaper changes). He wiggles to the left, put his legs over his head, wiggles to the right, and grabs his penis or the wipee out of my hand. While trying to get him to stay on his back, he gets really angry and either screams or cries.

I've tried singing to him. Old McDonald worked for a while, then I had to switch it up to BINGO, then to Row, Row, Row Your Boat. I've even tried what words I remember from the Dirty Jobs theme music.

I've tried looking him straight in the eye and talking or making funny faces.

I've tried giving him items to distract himself with like the wipes, the container the wipes are in, his sock or a diaper.

I've tried changing him STANDING UP (which isn't easier as I've read before).

I've tried all four of these AT ONCE. Still a wiggly, upset little boy with a seriously crooked, leak-prone diaper.

I've been getting really angry as well over this little routine. It's come to the point where I DREAD changing his diaper. DREAD IT. HATE IT. LOATH IT. (Except those early morning changes -- still loving those.)

Last night, he was difficult to get to bed because he had a shot yesterday afternoon and therefore, didn't nap until late and not very well. Mid-bedtime routine, I realized that the diaper I put on him less than an hour prior was already semi-full of pee. Ugh. Can't send him to bed with that.

Let's just say that changing his diaper at that point last night made my blood boil. I raised my voice more than I would like to admit. After he finally went to sleep, I left his room and went to our bedroom full of guilt and shame. I started to cry and DH wanted to know why. I explained and said, "I NEED a solution. This just isn't good."

Now there was a lot more on my mind as well but this set me off on a pity party that lasted about a half hour. I cried and explained to DH that I'm disappointed in myself because I haven't caught up on work (so close, but as I posted earlier this week, no cigar), the house needs an extensive reorg due to the amount of stuff we've accumulated since Monkey's birth and to top it off, I'm a horrible mother because I can't even diaper my child without it being a major battle that infuses me with anger. Being sick and drained from the sickness probably didn't help either.

As I calmed down, I came to my senses and said to myself, "I can't be the only one." So off to the Interweb!

I found tons of results with the same suggestions I've already tried. The only one I found that we don't DO anymore was letting the child roam the house without a diaper (with a little side note to follow said child in case any "mistakes" happen).

We call this Free Willy time. He used to get Free Willy time just before his bath when DH would strip him down and let him stand in his crib while DH ran his bath. Monkey LOVES this and we used to love it, too, because he'd just stand there with his hands on the crib railing laughing his little head off. Last week, DH came back into the room to find Monkey peeing through the bars of his crib onto the carpet prior to his bath on two different occasions. Thus, Free Willy time ended.

Now, mind you, Free Willy time was still happening when this whole diaper changing fiasco began about 3 weeks ago. So having Free Willy time obviously was not the answer to my diaper changing woes.

I went to bed still feeling hopeless. Then I decided to browse through a book I bought called Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child by Burton L. White. I must say his writing style is a little dry and he focuses on milestones as if most mothers out there have no idea what they are. And honestly, until I read something about his wife and how she handled one of their children, I would have thought this man was childless just because of the way he referenced the children in his studies. But that's beside the point. I skipped to a chapter where he talked about diapering and how this simple everyday act could shape a child's behavior and personality.

Mr. White starts by saying to have all of your accoutrements ready. Okay, DUH. Then he says to tell your child, "Mommy is going to diaper you," then don't say another word. Give them a special toy that they only get to hold while getting diapered and proceed. If it's going well, you can talk or sing or whatever with the child. If it's not going well, NO talking. Specifically, "... use your superior strength to get the job done, silently." His theory is "... your concern (the reason you try to explain and console) only reinforces the resistance rather than minimizing it."

Normally, I would think this was a little harsh. But given what I was experiencing, I decided to try it today. SO FAR, it has worked. The only part of it that is a little hairy still is when I have to take the "diapering" toy away (he's definitely reached that particular milestone, where were you on that one, Mr. White?). I've resorted to quickly picking him up and singing or making funny faces again after prying the toy from his hands. Probably undoing all of Mr. White's advice about consoling and reinforcing behavior.

He also states, "In actuality, once understood, diapering becomes an easy and remarkably effective opportunity for you to teach the baby that you are really in charge and that while she is dearly loved and will most of the time get what she wants, and quickly, sometimes that won't happen."

I'm hoping his theory is correct. I'm not sure it's a life lesson quite yet but I'll settle for less stressful diaper changes.

DWTS -- Winner of round one

Looks like 33% of us were correct in choosing Kristi Yamaguchi as one the week's winners. I was going to discuss this more but I'm still sick and Monkey was a major PITA at bedtime (he had a shot today and got a late nap).

Just when you think you're catching up

Starting Saturday, my neck began to ache. Not really my neck I guess, but that fleshy area between your neck and shoulder. Trapezius. That's it. So finally Monday morning I decided to call a chiropractor. I saw him that afternoon and the relief from the visit lasted until bedtime. I awoke this morning still with a stiff neck and shoulder. AND a stuffy nose, watery eyes, plus, just feeling very tired on top of it all.

It figures, you know. I'm making headway with work and was gearing up mentally for the stuff I'd like to do around the house after my work obligations were met AND BAM! SICK! Yay.

Tomorrow is going to be hectic for me. I have to drop Monkey off at 8:45, have a chiro appointment at 9:10, have a meeting at work at 10:00, have a vet appointment for my hyperthyroid cat at noon, have to pick Monkey BACK up at 1:45 so we can make his 2:15 appointment for his 9 months shots which are already late because I didn't make the appointment until a week before he should have had them. So when DH asked if I made a doctor appointment, I got a little flustered. WHEN AM I GOING TO FIT THAT IN?!!!

I was hoping to work some tonight but Monkey refused to go to sleep until about a half hour ago. I started work and my head hurts so much from the sinus pressure that I just couldn't concentrate. So instead, I decided I'd write a poorly written, scatteredbrain post.

But the thing I really wanted to express in this post wasn't how aweful things were today and probably will be tomorrow. I wanted to express how frustrated am I at this roller coaster ride I seem to be on constantly. JUST when I think I'm catching up, WHAMMO, roadblock. It's either I'm sick or Monkey is sick. Or someone quits unexpectedly at work and I'm dumped with their workload (um, hellloooo, I'm PART-TIME people!). Or it's a holiday and I'm forced to concentrate on the tangent items that brings with it. UGGGGGH.

Do you feel like this as well? Is this just life? I feel like everyone else is moving on, getting stuff done while I'm treading water half the time.

BTW, in case anyone is wondering, DH can't go to those things tomorrow due to work obligations that he just can't get out of this time.